Age Inappropriate

Age: 17 (Yes! Only a few more months until I am free.)

Mood: Plethora of them

Days in love with Mr. S: 368. (I will never be free of that.)

   I was awake when my alarm went off for school, I hadn't slept much last night, Mr. S kept me up most of the night. Actually, I should say thoughts of Mr. S kept me up. Problems of being a teleiophile, falling for people inappropriately older than me and it's even more inappropriate when they are my teacher.

   I remember when I first met Mr. S, I was 16 years old and I walked into my first hour on the first day of school, nothing could have prepared for him. We bonded over Bruce Springsteen that first week, which is how he got the name "Mr. S". I don't think I'll ever forget the first time I saw him smile, it was at his own joke during his introduction. He looked so incredibly radiant. That was the same moment I knew whoever I was before was gone and I only wanted to know who I could become with him.

   I had spent the school year trying to get to know him as well as I could without raising suspicion or crossing any boundaries and we had become closer than most students and teachers. One day on the last week of school he asked me to meet him in his classroom after school and my mind was already flooded with fantasies of he would say or do. Even though I knew it was something related to the class or Book Club, the club he ran, I let myself dream for the rest of the day. Finally, my last class was over so I rushed to Mr. S' classroom.

   "You wanted to see me?" I asked walking towards his desk.

   "Yes, Julie. Please take a seat I'm almost done." He smiled at me and I blushed deep crimson as I sat down. Mr. S pulled something out of his desk and moved to sit on the table in front of me. "I hope this isn't weird." He handed me a wrapped box.

   "What's this for?" I was astonished, he was giving me something, I must matter to him.

   "It's for your birthday. I saw it and thought of you, I was hoping to give it to you on the day but when I looked at the records I saw that your birthday was in the summer so..." His voice trailed off and he looked at me like he expected me to react in some way. I didn't know how to react, this was something I had dreamed of.

   "Can I open it now?"

   "Of course, I want to see what you think of it." I carefully unwrapped it and opened the box, in it was a beautiful silver locket.

   "Oh my God, it's beautiful. I've always wanted something like this."

   "I know. You wrote about it in an essay earlier in the year." His eyes sparkled.

   "You remembered?" I wanted to cry, I wanted to kiss him more than anything but I knew I couldn't. I picked up the locket and stood to try to put it on, after fumbling with the clasp, Mr. S stopped me.

   "Here, let me." Mr. S got off the table and took the locket from me, he put it on with ease and I turned around to face him. We were so close to each other, I felt the air go out of my lungs. "Beautiful." He looked as amazed as I felt, he reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear and leaned down towards me, the second before we kissed we separated and I took a step back.

   "Thank you for the locket. I love it." I looked into his eyes wanting to say more.

   "I'm glad, I was hoping you would." He gave me a warm hug. "Stay safe, Jules."

   As I walked out of his room I knew that I had something I would cherish forever, I wrapped my hand around the locket and decided to stop by Lyla's before going home. Lyla has been my best friend for years and she's the only person I've told about my crush on Mr. S.

   "He gave you a locket, Julie! A heart-shaped locket." Lyla was even more giddy than I was. "Julie, people don't give heart-shaped lockets to just anyone."

   "I'm not just anyone, I'm a student he talks to about books and stuff." I was not going to tell her about the Almost-Kiss, it was one thing to give your 16 year-old student a gift, it was another to almost kiss her, I did not want to get him fired.

   "You two talk about way more than books. You talk about movies, the news, poetry, each other's past. You've told him about Noelle," I shrugged even though on the inside I was beaming. "You know his address.”

   "That's only because I've looked him up online, it's not like he told me that."

   "That's not creepy."

   "Lyla, I really like him but it's not worth the risk."

   "I know." Lyla sighed. "It's just nice to live in a fantasy every once in awhile. Plus, isn't it kinda creepy to date your student? Gross." I wanted to tell her more about what happened when he gave me the locket but she was right, it's better to live in a fantasy.

   I had replayed that day over all Summer and I had decided that I was done with fantasies, I was done with feeling hopeless because I always liked people older than me, I was done waiting for the day when I was old enough that an age gap wouldn't matter. The only thing I've been waiting for is the first day of school so I could see Mr. S again and now it was here. I pulled myself out of bed and put on the locket and quickly I was out the door before anyone else in my house was awake, just the way I like it.