A Letter To The Wannabe Saviors.

We cannot save everyone.

I have been seeing many outlets (shows, TED talks, guest speakers at schools) geared at teens making it seem as if all suicide can be prevented. That’s just not how it works.

Yes, kindness does help, but we cannot save everyone.

You cannot blame Harry because Sally killed herself. Sure, Harry might be a ‘jock’ and he might not know Sally’s last name off the top of his friends, but that is not his fault - hell, I can barely remember my own name sometimes.

He is just like anyone else.

Maybe Sally didn’t put herself out there. Maybe Harry is too preoccupied trying to get that football scholarship and get away from his abusive father. Maybe they just didn’t run in the same circles. None of the aforementioned things are either of their faults, but after Sally’s death, so many people want to play the blame game.

Maybe if you were nicer to her.

Maybe if she felt included.

Maybe if she would’ve had friends, she wouldn’t have killed herself.

Maybe Sally was just fucking depressed. Maybe she was bullied. Maybe Sally couldn’t stand to think about the fact that she has to live in a world where there is poverty, racism, sexism, etcetera, and not matter how hard we try we may never be able to fix it.

I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure it’s not because Harry didn’t know her last name.

You cannot make people feel wrong for not knowing someone.

The average high school size is approximately 752 students.

I can’t remember everyone’s names.

There is no way that someone knows everyone.

I know that everyone had personal problems. I know that just because Rachel is prom queen doesn’t mean that she’s an asshole because she doesn’t know Sally. Doesn’t mean she’s nice but doesn’t mean she’s an asshole.

I bet, if anyone is reading this, you may think that I am making excuses, that I must be popular and feel guilty. If you think this or anything like this, you are wrong. I am the new girl. I am the girl that no one notices or remembers because she’s always there for a years or less. I am the girl that has anxiety and won’t raise her hand in class because she’s afraid people will laugh, the girl that won’t get up to throw something in the trash because she’s afraid someone will look at her. I am the incredibly sensitive girl that cries randomly on the bus because the ending of Between Shades of Grey was amazing.

I am the girl that longs for friends, yet doesn’t have the capability to make them. I am the girl that is afraid of going into the real world because school force people to be around her and at least one person is going to take pity and speak to her.

This is not to discourage compassion and kindness. We need that, especially after age fourteen. I know that on a bad day a simple ‘hey’, even from a stranger, can make your whole day.

The boy that (by chance) came out of the office as I entered school on some random day said ‘hey’ to me. I was having a terrible morning; I was late, I was in trouble with my mother, I was upset. He didn’t know me, he had just happened to say something and he turned my whole day around.

I don’t know him. He doesn’t remember me. We will never see each other again. I barely remember his face, but I will forever remember that day.

We cannot save everybody.

This is not to defend bullies or make it seem like I think bullying is right. Bullying is different. Bullying is defined as the use of superior strength or influence to intimidate someone or to torment someone. If Harry and his friends went out of their way to upset Sally then, yes, they are probably to blame, more or less. But, in this scenario, Harry is just a guy. He cannot save someone he does not know.

We can love everyone, but we cannot save everybody.

There are no superheroes in the real world.

Sometimes, just sometimes, people have to try to save themselves.