The Sisters Parnassus

"Fair warning," I stopped before I opened the door, "my family is a bit...eccentric. Bohemian. Idiosyncra-"

Alex laughed before the final -tic. "Okay, okay, Miss Thesaurus. I'm sure I'll like them just fine."

I smiled. Alex and I had met just recently on campus, when I caught him reading Aleen Ginsberg's Howl. He claimed not to understand it -though looking back I think he just wanted a reason to talk- and as a lover of all things poetic, I was happy to help. Things took off quickly from there. 

Sucking in a breath, I turned the knob and pushed open the door, only to be greeted from a high C from the front hallway. 

It cam from my sister Euterpe, standing proudly before her music stand, eyes closed, like any good diva. Before any glass could be shattered, she gasped and exclaimed, "Calliope's home!" 

Thalia, the wise-cracker, dashed down the front stairs faster than any winged-footed god ever could. She wore a green t-shirt with the words "Guess What?" emblazoned upon it, along with a chicken and an arrow pointing towards the chicken's rear. (Get it?) 

"Callie, sis, you're home!" Tally bounced excitedly up and down. "Just like Euterpe announced not a second ago! And, oh boy, there's a man. Be careful, you two, I'm not ready to become an aunt!" And just like that, she blazed out of sight, cackling at her own joke. 

I sighed. "That was Thalia, and that," I pointed towards the opera star still in front of us, "is Euterpe." 

Alex waved as Euterpe said, "I've just been preparing for my next audition. Apollo is putting on a review," she said as she raised an eyebrow in my direction. 

Rolling my eyes at the mention of my ex-boyfriend, I replied, "That's great for you and Apollo. Now Alex, would you join me in the living room, please?" We walked towards the end of a hallway filled with art supplies, ballet shoes, and half-filled journals as Euterpe began another aria. 

At the desk in the far right corner of the living room was Clio, labeling a textbook with Post-It notes. Opposite her, Urania was setting up her old trusty, dusty telescope, even though it was barely noon. Clio and Nia, the historian and astrologer of the family, respectively, were usually quiet, even when all nine of us sisters were together. Them I could handle. 

"Hey guys," I greeted them, "Alex and I are just here to study." They both nodded distractedly. 

Alex and I plopped ourselves down on the couch, which had been splattered with paint throughout the years. "So," he started, "what did you want to go over first?"

Before I could answer, Erato entered, wearing one of her signature soft, floral frocks, and grinned madly. "Thalia was right! You guys are in love!" she practically squealed as she joined Alex and I on the floor. 

"We are not- but that's okay because- and we may never...." I groaned. "Erato, not now!" 

She, as usual, ignored me. "This is going to make for the loveliest, most heart-wrenching sonnet of all time! Thanks for the inspiration, Calliope and boyfriend!" And she was off. 

"Your sisters are..."Alex began to comment, before I interrupted him with, "Annoying? Absurd? Exasperating?" 

Alex chuckled. "I was just going to say energetic." 

I sensed a dark gray rain cloud begin to hover above us, and sure enough, Melpomene entered from the kitchen, her clothes and lips all black. 

"Hey, Mel," I tried my best to be polite to the family goth, "This is Alex." 

Mel shrugged. "Whatever," she mumbled as she dragged her feet further across the floor and left the room. 

I noticed that a voice as loud as Euterpe's was starting from upstairs, only while Euterpe's voice was piercing and operatic, this one was more soulful, but no less irritating. "Keep it down, Polyhymnia!" I shouted. 

"You know she has choir practice tonight," said Terpsichore as she strutted in on her long dancer's legs. "She has to practice- and so do I," she added as she stretched more than a little too close to Alex. 

"Cori, could you please do that literally anywhere else in the house?" I said through gritted teeth. 

"Suit yourself, but remember," she turned before heading upstairs, "the neighborhood potluck dinner is tomorrow. You know Mom never forgets it." She twirled- actually twirled- into the hallway. 

"Aw man, I am so sorry," I said turning to Alex, "my family is just...awful. Horrendous. The worst."

Alex smirked. "I was thinking more along the lines of...special. Unique. Individualistic."

I smiled back. Maybe Erato's prediction would be right in the long run. "Anyway," I opened my textbook finally, "where were we?"