Why i write

Hello, so my name is Katie i'm 18 years of age. I'd like people to understand what i write and why i write it and to do that i think you need to know a little more about me.

At aged 4 i was diagnosed with Trichotillomania which is a compulsive hair pulling disorder, I still have this today. Due to this I was bullied throughout primary and secondary school. I stopped attending school for 6 months in year 8 as it all got too much. Eventually I made friends I thought life was getting better. I loved school I was planning on being an archaeologist at the time. I thought if I had a lot of boyfriends id be popular, boy was I wrong, I become "needy" or "the school slut" even though I was still a virgin. I stopped going to school again. I did talk to my parents and the school but nothing helped.

Finally I was 15 life was great I thought I met "the one" things were great for the first month or so, then it become very controlling. I wasn't allowed to wear makeup as it would attract boys attention, I wasn't allowed to wear shorts as it was inappropriate, I became unhappy, he would call me names delete all my social media, stop me from talking to family. Then he started pushing me around, till he hit me in front of my dad, I knew I had to leave him even though I still loved him. Then even after I left him the trolling started, his family would slate me all over social media saying I made everything up, that their precious little boy wouldn't harm a girl. They were wrong and he knew it.

Eventually I moved on got into a new relationship which was perfect until I witnessed him kissing another girl(my friend). That was over. I gave up on relationships already.

A new boy moved into my street, we become best of friends, we told people we were cousins that's how close we were, we were friends for years. I stayed over his house one night. I had my virginity wrongly taken away from me without force but without consent, no matter how many times I said no I couldn't fight him off I didn't want to cause a scene. The next morning I went home as if nothing happened, I wanted to forget about it. All of a sudden the rumors started, I still never told anyone what happened.

A few months later I stopped eating. I thought if I had any control over anything it was my weight. I was diagnosed anorexic. My parents were very supportive, but they still didn't notice what was truly happening. I dropped out of school completely only went back in for my exams. I hated myself, I hate myself. I'm sick of myself.

I reached my 16th birthday, I was surprised I did my weight was so low, that year my life changed completely, I met the true love of my life. We met on a social media dating app. he had his own mental health issues too I've always supported him and he has always supported me, we keep each other level. The only issue was is he lived an hour away on train, long distance was hard but we made it work. A few months later we realized I had had a miscarriage, we never even knew I was pregnant.

We had been together a year now just had my 17th birthday, we had our arguments like every couple but we were strong, the following November I discovered I was pregnant. I was terrified, it was his 19th birthday but I had to tell him. I sent him a picture of the test and he said it will be okay and went to celebrate his birthday.

He wanted an abortion, I couldn't let that happen, not after the miscarriage. We talked and talked and talked. We kept the baby. Were now living together as a family and our baby boy has just turned one.

Im still recovering from anorexia its a struggle but some days are better than others. I just wanna say life does get better it may not seem like it but it does!