The Weather Report

19 May, 2017

ok folks- here's th' weather report from KR&B radio fort collins-

It was summer when i woke up this morning. May 2017. I got in my car and it was a time machine. I traveled back in time to December 2016. I went up a mountain for a vision. I asked myself why i was climbing a mountain in a snowstorm. There were rocks tumbling down. I saw a crow flying. There were more cars on th' side of th' road than when you used to be able to park in th' canyon at th' Mish. You locals know what i'm talkin about idn't. Thank God for those railings though. They saved a few people. I saw a Magpie, a snow crow. I was following a mini van riding on a spare tire. One of those little donut tires ya know, and i thought, who drives up a mountain in a blizzard on a donut. I wanted to stop that car and eat that donut, to go with my coffee. If i'da been driving that old VW van we used to have i'da been one with th' river. I saw an Elk th' size of Texas. One time i almost turned around, but going down was scarier than going up. I saw a car fishtail in front of me. It looked like a big ole carp. I slowed down. I didn't wanna catch that carp. I got to th' top of th' mountain. I got out of my car and realized i was still wearing sandals. I saw a deer standing in three feet of snow. Since it was now december i decided to pick up some pine cones and decorate a spruce tree. I turned around and looked at my car and it was a skunk. All black on th' sides with a white stripe down th' middle. I listened to th' songs of birds. One of them told me to drive back down th' mountain. I took a different route and i was the only one on th' road. Felt like i was the last person alive on earth. I got home and it was still december. Time machine musta broke on th' way up.

Well there you have it folks, this is KR&B radio signing off. Goodnight.

21 May, 2017

Ok folks- here’s another weather report from KR&B radio fort collins.

I got in my car this morning and when I turned th’ key a heron flew over me. That’s a good sign I thought. Everything’s a sign idn’t. I went back up th’ mountain. I finally put on those new windshield wipers and th’ sky opened up and all this blue stared down at me til I felt like I was underwater. Ah, I thought, today is a good day idn’t. Look at those clouds, see how they just sit on that mountain. I wanna be like those clouds. I wanna just sit down on a mountain. “Hey!” somebody yells, “what’re you doin sittin way up here on this mountain?” “Bein like those clouds” I tell them. “You don’t look like a cloud” they say, and so I get up and drift away. I go into town. Everything is closed except th’ bar and th’ liquor store. I see two eagles flying. I see a man stumbling out of th’ bar. “Tell me about th’ weather” I say. “Huh?” he says, “What weather? This ain’t no goddamn weather. Summer just decided to take a little nap is all.” Then he turned into a magpie and flew away. “Thanks” I said. I drove back down th’ mountain. Th’ sun was shining and I kept thinking someone hung Christmas lights in th' forest. I saw a tree in somebody’s window. It was decorated with a string of popcorn. There were still cars piled up on th’ side of th’ road. Thank God for th’ Moody Blues though. They sang everywhere love is all around, and you can never go home again, and I understood what they meant. Music is a gift idn’t?

And so there you have it folks. There wasn’t any weather today. Summer just decided to take a little nap is all. And don’t worry, it’s not Christmas. This snow will melt away faster than a trout runnin from a grizzly, and all we have to do is clean up th’ mess. See you next time, and thanks for tuning in to KR&B radio fort collins.

End of May-

I was at th' tea shop and it was raining. People were walking around dressed for summer. Being loud. Laughing. Yelling. I was trying to write a story. Th' lady sitting at th' table next to me did some research on Wal-Mart. Apparently they have a lot of crime. They're open 24 hours for one thing. And they let people park in their parking lot overnight and sleep in their cars. And (she lowered her voice for this part), they're in kind of a bad part of town. That's just askin for trouble idn't? I mean, giving homeless people a place to sleep is bad news. And then, this lady told her friend, they don't even have their own security. They just call th' local law enforcement to deal with their problems. So us taxpayers are actually paying for Wal-Mart's stupidity. I mean, there were like, 294 crimes committed in 2016 alone. And that's just at one Wal-Mart. One guy was stabbed and killed in th' make-up section. One guy had a heart attack in th' customer service line. I mean, that's not actually a crime, but it happened. One girl got abducted and raped repeatedly. An old lady got ran over because she was taking too long to cross th' street. Some guy kept yelling at her but she had this walker and couldn't go any faster. He got fed up and drove right over her. Th' cops arrested him three miles down th' road. I mean, this is where our tax dollars are going. It's ridiculous. Wal-Mart needs to deal with their own problems idn't? Me i'm sittin there tryin to write a story, tryin to ignore them. And i did write a story, but my mind kept wandering. I was in Wal-Mart just the other day. I like Wal-Mart. Most people from Texas do. I was walking through th' parking lot and i saw a bag still in a cart. I opened it up and it was a package of 36 hot dogs. They were still cold. I like hot dogs. I almost took it but i thought about someone coming back to look for them, so i left it there. I went inside and saw all these people wandering around, filling up shopping carts, filling up empty spaces on shelves. Most of them pale, sick looking. Everybody looks sick in Wal-Mart. It's all those florescent lights they got. I probly looked sick too. Probly am sick. Everybody's sick these days idn't? I didn't hate Wal-Mart then, I loved it. I thought about all these people and what their lives are like. I thought about how hard life can be, and how sometimes a place like Wal-Mart can make it a little bit easier. I thought about how my oldest son hates Wal-Mart, and goes crazy everytime he comes in here. I thought about how Me-Maw used to take us to Wal-Mart sometimes. She'd give me and my brother five dollars and turn us loose. I thought about how sick my brother is now, and how he wasn't sick back then. Then someone bumped into my cart and told me to watch where i was going. I bought a pack of sunflower seeds for 20 cents, and a box of cookies. I went outside and th' sun was shining and it was raining. I saw a lady with a cardboard sign that read Homeless with Three Kids. I gave her all th' change in my ash tray. As if change can feed three kids. Storm clouds loomed over th' mountains, threatening rain. Been raining a lot lately. Been hot and cold. I heard a train whistle. I saw a heron fly. I drove home and told my wife and kids i loved them.

And that's th' weather report for today. Thanks for tuning in to KR&B radio fort collins.

5 June, 2017

I went into town today- to th’ tea shop, as usual. I sat outside and looked up at th’ sky. It was hot and cold and wet and dry. It was clear and there were storm clouds. Crows were flying, and I thought about hurricanes. ‘You want my prediction?’ A guy at th’ next table says, pointing up at th’ sky- Yes, I tell him- Whatchu think about that weather- ‘Oh I don’t think, I know’ – Ok I say, tell me what happened- tell me what’s going to happen- ‘It’s gonna rain, that’s what’s gonna happen’ - and he was right- it did rain. Again. And then he walked off and a crow landed on his table and ate his crumbs. I thought about predictions- and how they are like crumbs, just sitting there waiting for crows to pick up- and then I thought about that Nostradamus guy- That’s one creepy dude idn’t? I mean, they say he was impossible to kill. That he died three or four times and was alive again. That’s more times than Jesus- He might even still be alive today- what do I know?- I saw some dude on th’ bike trail recently that looked just like Nostradamus. Not that I know what Nostradamus looks like- but if he looks anything like my imagination of him then he’s still alive and well right here in Ft. Collins. Then somebody wanted to sit at th’ table with th’ crow, but th’ crow gave him th’ stink eye and with a mighty leap rose up into the air, taking a piece of scone with him. That’s a lucky crow, I thought. He gets to eat jasmine green tea infused scones everyday- me I gotta pay three and a half dollars for ‘em. I’ll bet he’s thankful. Anyway I went home and looked up that Nostradamus dude on wikipedia and it just made him sound like a regular old dude- like th’ world knows all about him and there’s no mystery- but I like mystery- I decided to ignore wikipedia and listen to that song someone wrote about him in th’ seventies. Th’ seventies are also a mystery to me- Maybe i’ll look that up on wikipedia too- it’s amazing idn’t? That we can know so much and yet so little at th’ same time. We’re like that crow idn’t?- just pickin up random crumbs of information to fill our empty bellies. Maybe if we get enough crumbs, we can put ‘em all together and have ourselves a jasmine green tea infused scone of information. Well, it’s dark now, and th’ Moon is hanging out with Mars and Jupiter, and i’m gonna leave you with that Nostradamus song- you can look it up on youtube- it's by Justin Hayward. Good night and thanks for tuning in to KR&B radio Ft. Collins.