Applauding the Fool

You graduated in black like you were going to a funeral

and no one told you that you were - that this is it -

this is rebirth and you're all grown up.

There are bright things ahead of you

like bookkeeping

and remembering to shake the crumbs out of the toaster

every once in a while.

No one told you life would be so dull

or that beer only tastes good in front of boys.

You can already tell where you'll get wrinkles later on

the little crinkles in your forehead

and it's becoming blindingly clear that you aren't immortal

and that you aren't quite as clever

as you always thought you were.

Maybe God is more that just an idea

because He certainly wasn't yours

and reading the Bible before bed isn't doing what you thought it would.

The drunk girl in the mirror isn't you

but it was definitely you

out on the docks

who smoked that oversweet cigarette which made you feel ill.

Maybe happy is only something that exists in retrospect.

It's spring but there's no sun

and in fact the weather is fading the world like jeans

even the little yellow flowers are pallid and wilting.

Maybe it's you that's wilting.

You're only nineteen but maybe you've lost it already

and have nothing left to give.

Maybe you've already surrendered to banality

and it's swallowing you

up up up

because your life is running very crookedly

alongside the straight bright path

you pretended it would be.