There is no character here

How rude. The title clearly stated that there is no character to be found here, yet you came here looking for one. Do you expect to find one here? Do you think I would lie in my title? How rude.

As you are still reading, I suppose I should at least tell you something, right? I suppose I could tell you now about little big John. Make no mistake: he is no character. Not at all. In fact, he is never seen. Or heard. Or spoken to. He is pretty much ignored by everyone, and he ignores everyone too. See? He is no character, he hardly even exists. Try making a plot or writing about events involving little big John, it won't work. Because he is NOT a character.

If you are wondering why he is called little big John, it's because he used to be called John, back when he still was a character. Which he isn't anymore. Big refers to his size. Little refers to how little of a character he is. Because he isn't one at all.

Isn't this fun? I must write about a character, which I'm not. You think you are reading about a character, which you're not. I hope you're not angry with me right now, after all, you can stop reading any second. I'm not the one wasting your time, you are.

So you are still here? I guess you are just intrigued by my non-character little big John. Or maybe you want to know where this is going? If the latter is correct, stop reading. This isn't going anywhere anyway. Or do you think I'll make a character of little big John yet? You might get disappointed.

Little big John used to be a character once, actually. But he isn't anymore. Now he just lingers in the streets, crowded with characters. Each character has his or her own story, but not Little Big John. Nobody ever writes about him, nobody ever reads about him. He is just a nobody, a non-character. Everyone always ignores him anyway, it would make for a boring plot.

Little big John also smells horrible, by the way. And he looks dirty. And he's only clothed in rags. He has no home either.

Little big John lost his job as a character. Some writer once made him, and erased him from the story the day after. Now Little big John is homeless, he has no story and no family. He can see all the characters passing by, from Harry Potter to Legolas, he has seen them all. But neither Tolkien or Rowling ever mentioned him. And that is because he is a non-character.

He was never given any thoughts, or emotions. Even I am not entirely sure how he looks. The dirtiness, the smell and the rags? I just made that up. That's how I see a person that has no story for his own. All I know for sure is that he is Little big John. And that he is NOT a character. It's curious, how meaningless little big John is to this world. It's curious how everyone seems to be a character in some great storyline, but not him. 

A stranger once came to him, and handed him a story. And little big John started reading. He read about some character. And for the very first time, little big John felt like he was in it, in the story. Little big John was reading to make him forget that he was not in some major plotline. To make him forget about not being a character. 

Little big John now saw the reason people read novels, stories or even poetry. It was just so people would forget all about the boring real world, in which nobody ever is an important character. That was the moment that little big John realized that he wasn't alone. A lot of people read books, right? Did they all feel like little big John? Did they all feel like their lives were meaningless in some way? None of the characters he saw in the crowded streets felt they were characters themselves, did they? Why would they read books if everyone was living exciting stories anyway?

That was the moment he realized that the main character in the stranger's story, the fellow called Little big John, that was him. And all of the readers that came here to find some character, they were all little big John. All looking for an escape, for meaning in life. But sometimes it's enough to realise that you're not alone. Everyone is looking for meaning, for identity, for character. All the time.

By the way, there is still no character here.