Mourning Meghan

Everyday I ask God for a reason to live and everyday God gives me one.

Somedays it was big and somedays it was small.

When signs were small, they caused the most awe.

Somedays I'd just feel it and not see it at all.

Every once in awhile it was Meghan's smile.

Meghan's smile would chase my clouds away,

so everyday I would make the girl laugh.

Somedays were good and somedays were bad,

but the good days were some of the best I ever had.

On bad days, I memorized the Serenity Prayer.

When things were too much to bear, she was there.

She'd rub my back and sing me sweet serenades,

and it made me feel like everything be okay,

and for a little while all the world's problems went away,

and now..she's passed away.

Dear God, let me be okay.

Little Irish girl, Russian vodka bottle.

She lost the war, but fought a valiant battle.

Addiction and depression can be a lethal combination.

Booze became the answer back in her teens.

Blackouts that vaporized realities like dreams.

Inward anger turned to outward rage.

The ones she loved most got the most hate,

and let me tell you, she loved me a lot.

Bad things happen when you run out of hope.

I've been there. I know.

When I first heard my first urge was to go Romeo.

Depression is like quicksand,

and sometimes you can't see out reached hands,

when you think you're alone in the dark.

Dear God, let me be okay.

Every night before I go to sleep,

I pray I see her in a dream.

Life is now a sad sad song on repeat.

I'm hollow, so hollow.

I'm hollow, so hollow.

I feel empty and I may just implode.

I'm lost and don't know where to go.

Everything I do and everything I see,

reminds me that she's not here with me.

This mo(u)rning, there ain't not sunshine.

Inside jokes no longer have punchlines.

Memories of sunshine and rain flood my mind.

I'm cold and alone in the middle of summertime,

but

everyday I ask God to give me a reason to live,

and everyday God gives me one.