Losing Friends with Peanuts

Perusing the shelves of a discount store, I scored a cheap bag of shelled peanuts. My plan? When I got home, I'd sit on the wooden steps with a smoke and a beer and whip these peanuts through the air at the chipmunks and squirrels. 

"That'll make them love me" I told myself. "They will be so thankful".

So there I was all rested against the steps, propped up on my elbow slowly quenching my thirst with a PBR. From afar, the rodents observe the small number of peanuts I've put out for them, but they also see me. An hour is my limit and I surrender. I head inside defeated. Humans can be so terrifying I suppose. They can be selfish. They can be greedy.

I couldn't get any of the chipmunks to act like the cute little critters they're supposed to be by climbing my leg and taking a peanut from my hand. Nature should have programmed them to know how to act in front of my hubris of being a giver. It's frustrating. However, a revelation occurred. Well not really a revelation. More like a reminder. Peanuts when they are roasted and salted are very delicious. I ate a couple of them. That's all it takes sometimes... 

I ended up annihilating the bag. Empty shells now littered the trash can. I guess for brevity's sake, I could have simply said "I bought a bag of peanuts for the squirrels and chipmunks. I ended up eating all of peanuts".