Potion Vendor

You want potions to help in battle? Well, you've come to the right place. Let me see... You'll be wanting some Snoff-Wallop; that is the stuff that incapacitated four rogue elephants at last year's Midsummer Festival. Strong stuff and, providing you don't breath it in, will greatly help you on the battle field. Just chuck this bottle over the wall in a siege and wipe out four battalions in one go. Yes, you'll want some of that.

Hmmm, you should ingest some powdered Hiklyniggles approximately a half hour before you charge into battle. Besides helping with indigestion, it will increase your reflexes and ability to predict attacks. Sort of slows time around you. It's called time dilation. Trust me it works.... But be careful. If you use it too early you'll mess with your bowel movements.

Ooh, I almost forgot! You'll need half a bottle of Goosen Fluff. This stuff will raise your enemies from the dead and make them fight for your cause. Eh, you may want to be careful though. The undead hardly ever actually know which side they are fighting on. So you might want to use Goosen Fluff as a last resort. (That's also why you only get half a bottle.)

That brings me to my rarest, most secretive, and highly expensive potion: Essence of Thyme. I can only allow you to have one drop of it. This potion, when ingested, will give you four hours of unlimited power. During that time, nothing can kill you, and you can control most everything. There is a down side however... The more things you do, uh... the bigger your... uh.... well let's see how's best to put this. The more you do while under the influence of Essence of Thyme the more virile you get. Or to put it another way, the bigger your tool of creation gets. And believe me, it is painful...

Well, that's about it. Go! Conquer your enemies.... and pay me before you go. It will cost you one hundred forty two million, three hundred twenty one thousand, two hundred and one ducats. Please pay up front... I don't except IOU's.