Dear Dignity

Hey, I'd say it's good to hear from you again, but that'd require you to stop talking in the first place. So I guess instead I'll ask what exactly you're trying to do. I mean, I won't say I'm not grateful that you ensure I don't make everyone hate me, but if you could tone it down a bit, that'd be nice. I can't let go even for a moment because you keep telling me that the moment I lose even a bit of control over myself my whole world will crash. I cannot write because you always say that I will regret it. I miss the days that you weren't nagging me and I could run around a store in a silly hat and not feel the least embarrassed. I miss when I could walk around my own house in pajamas and not feel a deep sense of shame.

I cannot even decide whether or not to wear makeup, because if I don't you call me ugly and point out every little mark of acne and the dark circles and every place where my skin isn't quite the same color as the skin next to it. If I do? Well, when I do you remind me that I am a sell-out who never really wanted to wear it, you just said over and over that I had to. With or without it, people say I'm beautiful, but you scream louder than all of them. If I wear a t-shirt I'm a slob, if I don't you point out any little piece of me that could be called fat even though at times I border on underweight, which you won't let me forget either. You are constantly screaming at me to hide everything I like in the fear that someone will think I am a freak or a dork. 

I hate you. I know you are here to protect me, but you are smothering me. I cannot leave my house in fear that I'll be shunned, and then you yell at me for being an anti-social freak. So please, leave me alone already. I can live with the shame you're trying to prevent because you already cause worse, and everyone says you're doing your job right because I look perfect because no one sees me. If they did, you always remind me that they would hate me too. 

So please, dear dignity, leave me alone and just let me wear a fluffy hat with gloves attached and play with silly string again.