In Your Dreams

His name is Alex. I see him in my dreams. 

He never told me his name. I know what he looks like, but I've never heard the sound of his voice. Still, I knew without him telling me. Somehow I just knew. 

He doesn't interact with me. I think he has a rule about disturbing the dreams he becomes a part of. You could call him an interested bystander: always observing, never engaging. It may sound crazy, but I think he's a dream walker. I watched a movie about lucid dreaming once and there was a character who could join the dreams of other people. They called him a dream walker. That movie was fictional, but it's a compelling idea. 

I want to know more about him. When I wake up after an Alex dream, I try to write down the details exactly as I remember them. I hoped to find a pattern over time; perhaps a setting or situation or people we have in common. Maybe we go to the same cafe or ride the same bus or shop at the same grocery store. So far I haven't had any luck, but I refuse to give up. 

My boyfriend-- sorry, my ex-boyfriend-- said I was obsessed. I'm not, mind you. There's just something about him... I have to know. He got jealous, my ex. What a petty asshole, right? I tried to explain that I needed to find him, but he didn't understand. He said I was losing my mind. That made me really angry, as I recall. I threw a flower pot at him. He was my boyfriend and yet he didn't want to even try to see how important this-- how important Alex-- was to me! Why else would he show up in my dreams like that? He has to mean something! He's there for a reason!

God, what a bullet I dodged. By breaking up with him, I mean. He was narrow-minded. My boss was too, actually. After Alex started showing up more and more frequently, I began to search the places I saw in my dreams for him. I would spend all day somewhere if I had to. I knew that I would have to wait for him and I was willing, if that was what it would take. My boss didn't see it that way, however. He said I was going crazy and on top of that, I wasn't doing my job. Fine, I said. If that's how it is, I quit. 

I don't regret that either. It gave me more time to look for Alex.

I take a sip of the coffee I bought from the cafe Alex sometimes goes to in my dreams, scan the bus for the sixth time. We've picked up and dropped off several people in the past couple of hours, but still no Alex. Disappointed, I decide to get off at the next stop and go back to the apartment. I've been on the bus all night, waiting for Alex, but maybe I'll get some clues if I take a quick nap back at the apartment.

I step off onto the rain-soaked pavement, clutching my jacket close to my chest against the cold. My phone rings from my purse, but I ignore it, taking quick hurried steps to my building. When I get back to my apartment, my cell phone is still ringing. I finally answer it, more out of irritation than anything else. 

"Hello?"

"It's me."

Ugh. "Mom, not right now. I'm busy."

"Wait! Don't hang up!"

My head hurts and I feel annoyed beyond reason, but I obey, slipping onto the couch. 

"What is it?"

"I know you don't like to hear this..."

I sigh. I can already guess where this is going. "I don't want to talk right now."

Now it's her turn to sigh. "I talked to someone who can help you... I'll send you his contact info. Honey, you can't let this control your life! Please promise you'll at least call--"

I hang up. God, my own mother thinks I'm insane.

My phone beeps-- a text message. It's the contact info. I almost ignore it completely, but I catch a glimpse of the name: Doctor Rodriguez.

Doctor Alex Rodriguez.

I can barely dial the number because my hands are shaking, trembling.

He answers, his voice smooth and deep. "Doctor Rodriguez." 

I can barely speak. "Um...Hello."

An achingly long pause. 

"Finally. I've been waiting for you."