Hiraeth

A homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was.

  I stood there, in the shadows, memorized by the way her black puffy hair was pulled up into a bun. The way her brown eyes shone from the sunlight, lighting up not only herself but the smile she portrayed. I watched as you wrapped your arms around her, picking her up off the ground. A squeal escaped through her lips, her hands resting on your arms as if any minute you would drop her and her head was tilted back. 

 "Okay! Okay! You win, you win." She had shouted, squirming in your embrace but you did not let her go. Instead, you hugged her tightly admiring the way she laughed and squirmed. She started hitting your arms, her bottom lip jutting out into a pout. 

"You're not going to run away from me anymore, right?" You had asked her, almost burying your face into her neck. She turned her head slightly to look at you.

 "Maybe.. It's fun to watch you chase after me because you catch me in the end." She grinned, sticking her tongue out a little bit which I knew you found adorable. My hands slowly closed into a fist as my eyes watered but I did not move from my position in the shadows. I kept my eyes  glued to you two.

"Alright... say that you love me." You grinned back at her, wiggling your eyebrows a bit which caused a giggle from her but pain to erupt from my chest.

"I love you." 

 "Ah Ah, I did not hear my name." You squeezed her gently.

 "I love you, Ian." The pain I felt was unbearable. It was like I could not breathe.

 You smiled, a huge smile at that and gently let her down. You spun her around so that you guys were face to face. I knew what was coming next. I should have looked away. I should have stepped out of the shadows but I didn't. I couldn't. After staring at each other for who knows how long, you leaned in for a kiss which felt like it would last forever. It slowly killed me inside to watch the one person you loved kiss another person.

I squeezed my eyes shut, wiping furiously at the tears that dared to spill. I opened my eyes only to see that you had gone, walking down the sidewalk, hand in hand with her. Probably telling her jokes by the way she tilted her head a bit, laughing. Covering her mouth as she did so. I finally stepped out of the shadows, taking a deep breath. It did not matter though because they would never see me. She would never see me. You would never see me.

Because I was long gone. And so were you.

The only difference was you had someone to take care of you still but I had no one.