Where The Heart Lies by Karen Cogan
WHERE THE HEART LIES CHAPTER ONE
White buds opened tenuously to welcome spring as sunlight flitted between their branches. Zelda hardly noticed their delicate beauty as she focused on the gray, stone building labeled Child Protective Services. Would she have married Eduardo knowing this was in store?
Her stomach tightened as Eduardo led a small girl to the car. The waif wore a faded, checked dress and long, brown braids. Tears trickled down her heart-shaped face onto a shabby Teddy Bear.
Though she was a pitiable sight, Zelda shuddered at how the child would affect her life.
She waited while Eduardo packed the tattered valise into the trunk of their navy sedan, cementing the reality Katrina would reside with them. Yet, she would never be Zelda’s daughter.
Zelda didn’t greet Katrina when Eduardo opened the back car door and urged his daughter inside. His ex-wife had been arrested for prostitution and drug abuse, thus giving Eduardo sole custody. What sort of child would come from such a home? Eduardo had scolded when she expressed reluctance to take in Katrina, insisting he would not turn his back on his child. His chastisement only served to cement her resentment.
The child’s constant sobbing grated on Zelda’s nerves like nails on a chalkboard during the trip home. They parked in the driveway of their neat, brick bungalow, complete with manicured lawn, and Katrina remained glued to the back seat. Eduardo frowned. “Come, Katrina. Now.”
Holding her filthy bear, Katrina slid from the seat. Zelda wanted to snatch the grubby thing and throw it in the trash. Yet, Eduardo would likely disapprove. She’d no choice except to allow it into her house.
She stopped to collect the mail and thumb through it, avoiding the reality of seeing Katrina settle into their home. The darkening sky matched her mood. Plump drops splashed her shoulders and she shivered in the cooling breeze of early spring. She pulled her blue cashmere sweater closer and scurried for the house.
Inside, she heard Eduardo settling the child in the spare bedroom he’d furnished with a white dresser and a single bed. Yesterday, he’d put on a frilly bedspread with hearts and dolls and hung the matching curtains. She tried to ignore the sound of his voice as he tried to sooth the child
Zelda puttered around the kitchen browning ground meat for burritos. The familiar scent of the sizzling meat felt out of place in the upturned order of the house. Supper didn’t promise to be an easy affair. Nonetheless, Zelda concentrated on getting the dish into the oven.
Upon completing her task, she wiped the speckled marble counters and swept the matching tile floor. A neat-nick, she abhorred crumbs, spills or smudges. Eduardo’s sticky little urchin would add to her workload.
She slipped into the master bathroom for a warm bath while the burritos baked. Lavender bath salts promoted relaxation in her private sanctuary. Eduardo could deal with the child. She belonged to him, after all.
Her muscles loosened as she lay in the tub. The unwelcome change in her household did not mean she would sacrifice time for her small pleasures. Her beauty, small waist, dark eyes and delicate features had enabled her to catch a successful husband whose income allowed her to stay home. His dotage made her feel cherished and protected. She shook off the disturbing realization that nothing would shield her from the intrusion of this child.
She hummed softly to herself as she closed her eyes, giving way to her sensory pleasure.
A few moments later, she heard Eduardo calling her. She frowned and stirred from her reverie. Dinner wouldn’t be done for at least ten minutes. What could he want that couldn’t wait?
She slipped out of the tub and dried with a fluffy azure towel. After slipping into a green velour pant set and slippers, she padded down the hall to the spare bedroom.
Eduardo glanced up when he saw her in the doorway. “Katrina is ready to unpack. Will you see to ordering her clothes in the drawers and giving her a bath before supper?”
Zelda cringed from touching anything the child wore, doubting it had been properly laundered. And a bath? Katrina was five years old. Couldn’t she take her own bath?
To keep peace with Eduardo, she nodded, “Of course. She’ll have to hurry. Supper is
soon.”
The child did as ordered and followed her into the bathroom. She dutifully undressed and
stepped into the tub without saying a word. Zelda handed her a rag and pointed to the soup. “I’m not touching you. So wash.”
Katrina ran the soapy rag along her small body in a hit or miss fashion. Zelda watched her with distaste. She had no idea how to take an adequate bath. Had anyone ever shown her how to wash? Zelda continued directing until it seemed Katrina had performed the task to the best of her ability. She gave her a towel to dry and handed her pants and a blouse Eduardo had bought. The delicate pink smocking on the top and pink rose buds on the pants lent a preppy style incongruent with the mussed hair and red rimmed eyes.
When Katrina had dressed, Zelda instructed her to wait in her room until supper was on the table. Then, Zelda retreated to the sanctuary of her kitchen.
Eduardo joined her. “She could help you.”
Zelda didn’t want Katrina handling the dishes. She would probably break them. “She needs to rest. Today has been hard for her.”
Eduardo looked skeptical. “She needs to fit in here, to feel part of the family.”
“Give her time.” Zelda turned back to her cooking. She heard Eduardo turn away and leave the room. If she wasn’t careful the urchin would come between them.
When dinner was on the table, Eduardo led Katrina to the table; her small face still blotched with tears. He pulled out a carved wooden chair and told his daughter to sit. She did as told with a resignation that failed to quench Zelda’s resentment.
Eduardo served Katrina a burrito with rice and corn.
He set the plate in front of her. “Eat, Katrina.”
She stared at the table, refusing his command without a word.
Eduardo frowned. “You’re here to stay. You have to eat sometime.”
His comment met with silent refusal.
Eduardo sighed. “Suit yourself. You’re the one who’ll be hungry.”
His irritation with the balky child and the strained atmosphere at the table dulled Zelda’s appetite. She longed for the way things were before Katrina arrived.
After they’d picked at the meal, Zelda cleared the dishes while Eduardo took Katrina into Zelda’s prized living room to talk. She would see that Katrina wasn’t allowed there again, for she would only soil the scarlet and gold, damask sofa and the two matching chairs. A fine Oriental rug woven in red, leaf -green and gold adorned a polished mahogany floor. The end tables and coffee table matched the floor. Antique white sheers draped the rods above the picture window where the shade would be open to let in the fading rays of light. A glass display cabinet held delicate Royal Doulton figurines. It was not a room for a child.
Zelda stewed over the intrusion while she loaded the dishes. When she finished, she joined them. Katrina sat with her feet drawn onto the sofa, arms around her knees and head buried. Eduardo faced her in a chair. Zelda wondered if all the dirt had washed off her feet.
Eduardo looked at Zelda. “She doesn’t want to talk.”
“Maybe you ought to send her to bed.”
Eduardo sighed. “You’re right.”
He told Katrina. “Go to your bed, Katrina. You’ll feel better tomorrow.”
When she didn’t move, he repeated the command. Instead of rising, she scrunched deeper into a ball.
Eduardo picked her up. She shrieked and beat at him with her small fists.
Eduardo held her out and shook her. “Stop it. Stop it now.”
Katrina hushed and began to whimper. The sound waned as Eduardo carried her down the hall. Resentment flooded Zelda , making her face grow warm. She’d not bargained for this feral child when she and Eduardo had married. What gave him the right to insist upon bringing her into their home?
He returned in a bad mood. “She’s been raised badly. What did I expect from her mother? Now we have to undo all she did wrong.”
“How do we do that?” Zelda asked.
“Discipline and love. She’s a wild thing.”
“What if it’s too late and she can’t be fixed? Things will get worse as she grows older.”
Eduardo scowled. “Don’t talk like that. It’ll take time, but she’ll come around. She’ll grow to love us.”
Zelda longed to express her opinion. Yet, she knew his temper. To disagree about something he had decided was to invite a tirade and then, cold anger for several days until she apologized enough times to be forgiven. She wouldn’t give him the chance to take out his feelings of guilt and frustration on her. She opted for silence.
“Do you think I made a mistake to take my own daughter into the house?”
Doggedly refusing the battle, she said, “You did what you thought best.”
She let him brood before offering to bring in their nightly ritual of coffee. They enjoyed sharing a small pot and listening to classical music while Eduardo unwound from the stress of owning and overseeing his plastics manufacturing firm.
She turned up the music and tried to pretend it was a normal evening. Yet, the cries for mama got on her nerves. Would the child ever go to sleep?
She finally grew quiet and Zelda felt her muscles relax. She refused to think about tomorrow when Eduardo went to work and left her with his little girl.
She picked up the crocheted baby cap she was finishing for the hospital auxiliary and wondered what it would be like to have her own child, one who belonged to her and Eduardo. They owned a thriving business and had been married for over three years. Perhaps, in another year, they would have someone to wear one of these caps.
“She must be sleeping,” Eduardo said. “I’ll check on her.”
He didn’t return right away and Zelda began to wonder what kept him. She set down her work and gave him a wary look when he finally strode through the doorway. “Is she sleeping?”
He nodded. “I rubbed her cheek until she stopped shuddering. She’s a beautiful child. We’ll see she grows up well. She’ll go to college and have a career. No early marriage for her.”
Zelda poured another cup of coffee and sipped as she listened to the music. Basking in the inspiring melody of Franz Shubert’s Ave Maria, the tension drained from her body.
Eduardo sipped from his china mug and read a trade magazine. Normalcy returned to the house. Zelda had put Katrina from her thoughts when Eduardo paused mid-way through a page and said, “She’d better behave better tomorrow.”
She laid her slender hand atop his. “Tonight was hard for everyone. I’m sure she’ll improve.”
She wasn’t sure. Yet, she disliked seeing him agitated.
He met her with a determined gaze. “I won’t allow her to turn our lives upside down.
She will learn discipline.”
“Of course she will.”
He studied Zelda. “She will not be spoiled or cajoled.”
Zelda nodded. “I understand.”
Eduardo ran a hand through his ebony hair. “You never expected t o take in someone else’s child. Are you sorry you married me?”
“Of course not. I only wish you had met me before Louisa. Then none of this would have happened.”
“In that case, we wouldn’t have Katrina. Give her time. You may be glad for her someday.”
Zelda doubted she would ever be glad to raise the child of a drug-abusing prostitute.
CHAPTER TWO
Katrina woke up in a strange room with frilly doll curtains. Panic drove her heartbeat into a rapid thud. She clutched her bear and wondered if the people who had taken her were in the house. She didn’t want to see them again. Mama would come for her. She always came for her. Maybe she was already here.
Heart calming with hopeful expectation, Katrina slipped out of bed. Her little feet padded from the flowered bedside rug onto the polished wooden floor. She hesitated at her open bedroom door, and listened. The house lay quiet.
She tiptoed down the hallway and entered an empty bedroom, different from any she’d shared with Mama, who preferred accommodations that were light and bright and smelled of her perfume.
This room held heavy, dark furniture and an enormous bed tightly made with a brown spread.
She studied the only objects on the dresser, a silver hairbrush, comb and a box of tissues.
A lace runner with a clock atop sat on the heavy chest of drawers.
She was preparing to explore the bath room when Zelda called her back. “Katrina. What do you think you’re doing? You’re not allowed in here. Don’t ever wander in again.”
Katrina had jumped at the sound of Zelda’s angry voice. She had no clue what she had done wrong since she hadn’t touched anything. She saw Zelda’s pinched lips and shouted, “Mama, Mama.”
Zelda scowled at her. “Stop it, Katrina.”
Frightened, Katrina screamed louder for her mother to come and soothe her. She wanted to breathe Mama’s perfume and feel her gentle hug. No one loved her here. No one cared if she was scared and lonely.
The woman shook her shoulders, startling her into silence. “You horrid little beggar. How dare you come into my house and make us miserable. Shut up, you hear me? Shut up.”
Katrina stared into the dark eyes and knew she wouldn’t see Mama. If she was here, she would have come. Maybe Mama didn’t know where they’d taken Katrina. Maybe she would never find her. Katrina’s grief grew deeper than she could bear. She crumpled onto the floor and sobbed as though her heart had burst.
The woman shook her again. “Stop crying and get up. Dress and eat your breakfast.
Your father insists on a disciplined schedule.”
Katrina didn’t care. She’d been taken from someone who loved her to a place she didn’t like. When she continued to cry, Zelda scooped her up with a disgusted sigh.
She tried to push away, only to be pulled against the woman’s bony ribs.
She carried Katrina to her bedroom and dumped her onto the bed. “If you choose not to dress and have breakfast, you can remain in here for the morning and miss your meal. We’ll try again at lunch.”
Zelda left Katrina staring at the closed door and wondered what she’d done so wrong to be forced to live with these people. She missed Mama and the old grandma she’d stayed with in the evenings while Mama was at work. She wished with all her heart she could make amends.
She fell back asleep with her bear, Rody, in her arms.
Later, she awoke and looked around the room at the white furniture with pretty, golden knobs on the drawers. The headboard matched, as did a shelf holding books, stuffed animals, puzzles and dolls. A tall, pink, doll house and set of dolls sat upon the floor. She was tempted to investigate. However, her experience with the mean lady dissuaded her. What would she do if she saw Katrina touching the toys?
She stayed on the bed talking to Rody until the lady returned. She pulled a shirt, pants and socks from a drawer and tossed them onto the bed. “Get dressed. Lunch is ready.”
Katrina put on the clothes while the lady stood with her hands on her hips. Then, she walked Katrina to the kitchen and pointed her toward a sandwich, apple, and glass of apple juice.
Katrina climbed into the chair and surveyed the food. Hunger rumbled inside her stomach. Her last meal had been yesterday’s lunch. She took a bite of the ham and cheese sandwich. Though she preferred peanut butter, she was too hungry to decline. She ate most of the sandwich and a few bites of apple. Then, she waited for the lady to tell her what to do.
day.”
“Brush your teeth and go play in your room. I have things to do besides amuse you all
day."
When Katrina hesitated, the woman said, “Your toothbrush is in the hall bathroom. Do
you remember where to go?”
Katrina nodded.
“Can you brush your teeth? I hope so, because I’m not doing it for you.”
Katrina nodded again. Did the woman think she was a baby? She’d been brushing her teeth for the last two years.
“Go, shoo. Don’t leave your room. And don’t make a mess.”
Katrina scooted from the chair and padded to the bathroom. She found her toothbrush and toothpaste and brushed her teeth. Then, she went back to her bedroom and tried to decide what to do. The lady told her to play with the toys. They were tempting, especially the dolls and doll house.
She set Rhody next to her and took them down one at a time, studying each one carefully. A baby doll dressed in a white cap and nightie held a baby bottle. A girl doll with brown curls wore a frilly dress. The third doll with long, blond hair came with a yellow dress and a hairbrush.
Katrina brushed the shiny, golden hair, mesmerized by the texture.
After a while, she put her back on the shelf and examined the other two dolls. Holding Rhody in front of them, she made his introduction before she pretended the four of them were on a picnic at the park that Mama took Katrina to on sunny days. She was still playing with the dolls when the lady told her it was time for a nap.
Surprised, Katrina answered, “I don’t take naps anymore.”
The lady frowned. “Oh yes you do. Put your toys away and get into bed.”
Katrina disliked the lady even more. Yet, she was also afraid of her. She put the dolls on the shelf and carried Rhody to the bed. The lady pointed to the shelf. “You have nice clean toys. Let me take that dirty bear. You don’t need him anymore.”
She reached for Rhody and Katrina pulled him to her chest in a tight clutch. “I don’t want the other toys. I want Rhody.” If the lady tried to take him, she would bite her hand.
“You are stubborn and ungrateful, Katrina. I’m going to speak to your father when he comes home. Now, go to sleep.”
She snuggled her chin atop Rhody’s threadbare head. Though she didn’t feel sleepy, she awoke later to hear her father’s raised voice outside her bedroom door. “It’s obvious she’s
attached to the bear. She’s probably had it since she was born. Of course she wouldn’t give it up. What did you expect?”
“That dirty rag probably has lice. You bought beautiful new toys. Please make her get rid
of it.”
“Have patience, Zelda. Give her time. She won’t take it to college.”
Katrina listened. She didn’t understand most of what they said. Yet, she recognized a
disagreement.
Papa stepped into the room and Katrina sat up. He smiled at her. “Did you have a nice nap?”
She nodded, staring at him. “I want to go home.”
“You are home, honey. Your mother had to go away. You live with us now.”
“I want to go with Mama.”
“You can’t. She’s somewhere children can’t go. She’s glad you’re safe with us. You can keep your bear. Did you like the other toys?”
Katrina nodded again. Yet, she didn’t believe Mama was glad Katrina was with him. She could never be glad Katrina wasn’t with her. She would find Mama and never see these people again.
Though Papa smiled, he didn’t look happy. “Would you like me to read you a story?”
Giving him a nod, she agreed. She liked books and owned only a couple at home.
They read about a chicken who thought the sky was falling. Katrina liked the story, though she wondered what happened to the animals.
At the end, he told her again how happy he was she had come to live there.
“I want you to feel comfortable here, Katrina. You may go anywhere in the house except the big bedroom. Tomorrow, I’m getting you a swing set to play on in the backyard. You’ll like that, won’t you?”
“I like the swings at the park where Mama takes me.”
“You’ll like these swings, too. They’ll be right outside where you can play on them any time you like.”
“Rhody, too?”
He smiled at her. “Yes, Rhody, too.”
Katrina thought it over. Maybe when Mama came she would push her like she did at the park. Katrina could swing by herself, but she liked it better when Mama pushed.
“You may play until dinner time. I’ll be in my study if you need me.”
Papa left and Katrina slid from the bed. She decided to stay in the room and play with Rhody and the dolls. No matter what Papa said, if she left the bedroom, the lady might be angry. She was still playing when Zelda called her for supper.
Katrina ate the rice, yet balked at eating the fish. “I don’t like it.”
Papa frowned. “That’s not polite. Finish everything on your plate if you want dessert.
We have chocolate cake.”
The situation surprised Katrina. Mama never made her eat things she didn’t like. She liked chocolate cake, yet not enough to eat the gooey fish.
“Try it,” Papa said.
Katrina stared at it and her stomach balked. If she ate it, she would be sick.
She shook her head.
Papa became severe. “It’s naughty to disobey your papa. I don’t like your behavior and you’ll get no cake. Go to your room. ”
The offer of refuge relieved Katrina. For awhile, she absorbed herself in play and forgot Papa and Zelda. Then, she recalled she was lonely and missed Mama, the cuddling and long mornings together. She missed the food the old woman made for her, chips and salsa, corndogs and French fries. And cookies. She always had cookies. She began to cry.
In despair, she made a promise to herself she would get back to them. Somehow she would find a way.
The next day, Zelda took her shopping for play clothes and shoes, and then dragged her along to cosmetic counters and a nail salon. When she finished, Zelda pointed a sharp, shiny- nailed finger at Katrina. “You need something done with that hair. I don’t intend to braid it every day. Let’s see if they can fit you in.”
Zelda’s pronouncement shocked Katrina. Mama fussed over her hair, telling her how beautiful she looked with long, neat braids. She cupped Katrina’s face in her hands when she finished fixing it and told her she looked like an angel. If Mama liked her hair, Katrina liked it, too, and wanted to keep it long for Mama. Thus, Zelda unwittingly set the stage to be thwarted and mortified.