My Little Experiment

April showers bring May flowers; at least, that’s what my shrink used to tell me. If she’d known where that would lead, she might have chosen different words. But that was the phrase she used and that was the phrase that started it all. Logically, I knew she was just trying to tell me that hard times can result in something beautiful. Still, I took it to mean something else entirely. This is the story of how my April showers brought May flowers.

I left my shrink’s office that April afternoon with an idea. It was a brilliant idea, marvelous. It was an idea that I was almost afraid to carry out lest the manifestation turn out less than I anticipated. My footsteps scuffed along the concrete car park as I made my way towards my car. Absently, I twirled my keys on my finger, the silver pieces of metal spinning as quickly as my thoughts. A grin spread across my face. Who could be my first victim? Dozens of faces paraded through my mind the entire drive home, like a fashion show; pompous Damien who lived in my apartment building – he thought he was so good with his fancy suits and trophy wife; Cindy, my sister’s friend who had turned me down when I’d asked her out; Officer Luke, a work colleague who always got on my nerves – especially when he got promoted before me, which only happened because he stole a case I was working on. I’d almost cracked it, I was closing in on the suspect and he came breezing in with his cocksure attitude, steroid injected body and loud mouth, taking over all my hard work. Yes, I was a police officer. I had seen the seedy underbelly of humanity. I had seen the death and destruction that one simple act could create. And it had enthralled me. Something so small, so seemingly minuscule could hold such power. I remember this one time when we had brought in a murder suspect. He came striding into the station, head high and a smirk on his lips. I couldn’t help but stare. I had not been on the police force long and this was the first murderer I had seen. The power emanating from him was palpable and the affect he had on those around him was immediate. Even the most seasoned officers squirmed as he passed them. I was fascinated. As a police officer, I was supposed to be intimidating and authoritative, imposing and forceful, yet, this killer held more of these traits than any copper I’d ever met. I wanted that.

My need for control came from the way my parents had treated me, of course, so my shrink had told me anyway. She related all my issues back to my parents and my childhood. She was probably right. They had wanted to dictate my entire life and eventually, I had rebelled. I left home and joined the police force thinking that no one would ever be able to control me again. I would be the ultimate picture of authority. How wrong I had been. Sure, most people respected the police, but there were also a lot who didn’t. I couldn’t imagine anyone going up against this larger than life killer who was now seated in the interrogation room, hands handcuffed to the table. Maybe that was the event that really started it all. My shrink just pushed me over the edge and brought my fantasies into fruition. I liked to think of it as my little experiment. I’d always been smart, practically a genius. Making this into an experiment would satisfy my scientific flair. My hypothesis – all April showers bring May flowers, no matter what type of shower it was. The shower represented the bad times so, it was time to make it rain blood.

I chose April tenth to begin. By this time, I had settled on Cindy as my first target. Stalking her had been easy. I watched as she and a friend left for a night of partying and once she was out of sight, I snuck into her house. My gloved fingers picked the lock and once inside, I re-locked it. A black balaclava hid my face. It was hot underneath but I was not going to remove it. I walked through the house and found a place to hide and there I stayed until I heard the unmistakable sounds of Cindy returning. What happened next is a little fuzzy but, I will never forget that beautiful, piercing scream. That moment she first saw me, when she realized what was about to happen, her pretty red mouth opened and started to sing the sweet melody of fear. And then, all too soon, it stopped. Just like that. There was blood everywhere. My heart was pounding and my head was spinning in ecstasy. I’d done it. My first kill. And I couldn’t even remember how I had done it! I was furious. Taking a breath, I tried to calm myself. Never mind, there’s always the next one. With that thought, I started planning the next attack.

April 2006 will go down as one of the bloodiest months in the history of my home town. In April 2006, it rained crimson showers. From the tenth to thirtieth, one person was killed every day and then, the murders mysteriously ceased on May first. The town was left to deal with the wreckage of so many lives lost. I watched from the shadows as the bodies were buried in the town’s cemetery. After each funeral, when the mourners had cleared, I would skulk across into the graveyard, my hands in my pockets fingering the little seeds inside. I would walk right up the freshest grave, take a few of those seeds and press them into the freshly turned earth. By May twenty, the graveyard had never looked prettier.

Thus concludes my experiment. It was my finest work but, there was nothing else for me to do now. What could possibly top that? That’s the problem with pulling out the big guns first – there is nowhere else to go after that except down. So, I proved my hypothesis. I have proven that April showers really do bring May flowers, and that Officer, is why I had to murder myself.