Finally, a safe way to smoke--Nobel Prize pending
It's bad for you. It can kill you. It will kill you. It will kill me! What to do? I'm smart. Certainly I can figure out a way to have my smoke and inhale it, too. To my utter delight, my tangential thinking delivered the answer to me, from all places, cosmology.
It's time. Time is the answer.
It has been determined that every time someone smokes a cigarette it takes eight minutes off of his or her life. So let's see: two packs a day means I'm losing at least 81 days each year. 81 days! Of course, we're talking about the last 81 days of my life. (Or with my 20 pack-year history, a good four years.) Now, it would be ludicrous to think that I would be losing anything other than the last four years of my life. One can't lose some middle four years, right?
So, problem: I lose the last eight minutes of my life every time I smoke a cigarette.
Solution: wait.
Now I smoke safely. I lose no time. What I do is this: every time I want a smoke, I just wait eight minutes. In this way, I'm only losing eight minutes from the time I would have been dead anyway. Problem solved. Smoke if you got 'em?