Denial.

I am laying with legs spread wide in the dirt and the thistles of a pitch black forest.

Your weight on me is all I can focus on. How heavy, how oppressive, as I claw into your back with lacquered almond nails to match the color of your thick blood.

It's as if I actually feel gravity crushing me. As if you are the atmosphere that keeps everything from floating dreamily into the inky dark of space.

Your mouth vibrates with the sound of your groans, your growls. And if the inflection of those primal sounds were words and I filled a volume with them, it would be my holy book.

Your cum is my holy water.

The taste of your winter-chapped lips is my holy communion. The stain of red wine on your dingy white shirt is the blood of Christ.

Under hot moonlight, and cautiously blinking stars, you fill me.

And I know that what you fill me with is the keenest torture masquerading as that immensely coveted " true love" that people would die for. That I am dying for.

You pump into me pretty and potent lies. You breath venom into my mouth and it tastes like the nectar of the gods and it numbs my need like Novocaine.

So bad that it's good. Hurts so much that it makes me feel alive.

I spread my arms out and I claw at the soil until I feel it embed under my nails, feel vines catch on my knuckles and all the squirmy little earth worms writhing and pulsating like a heartbeat.

You drag your teeth down my sternum and I just know you'll suck my heart out any moment. Consume every last bit of me here in the darkness where no one can hear me cry out.

And I am willing! I am willing to be consumed!

Because it looks like love.

And it feels like love.

But it's a fine fucking mess and we both know it and so we fuck our doubts and our blinding unhappiness away in the earthen dark. And the drum of our mingling pulse sounds exactly like the footfalls of someone running away. Trying to escape.

And as I throw my head back and expose the iridescent paleness of my sinewy neck, I willingly expose my jugular to you. That big ripe vein.

I'd let you bite into it. I'd let you kill me.

Because it looks like love.

And it feels like love.

And even if it isn't, in the dark I can't tell the difference.