Tanked

“I did it! I finally did it,” Sarah said. Her words sounded a little slurred through the phone and her breathing sounded labored.

“Oh yeah?” I asked.

“I hung my ass out the car window and took a piss while the car was going down the highway at 55 miles an hour. Now I know why dogs like to hang their head out the window so much.”

I rolled my eyes, knowing she couldn’t see me, but feeling the intensity of her big, green, puppy dog eyes gauge mine for a response nonetheless.

“I got pulled over the other day for driving with my teeth. I put my arms through the steering wheel and was steering with my teeth and this car pulled up next to me. I gave him a thumbs up and then sped up…how was I supposed to know it was an Iowa City cop.”

“Oh jeez Sarah, what did he say?”

“Just asked me if I had something wrong with my arms. I told him I just always wanted to see what it was like to drive with no arms. He didn’t find that too amusing, I guess. But hey, I flashed my pretty white teeth and batted my eyes. He let me off with a warning. I could totally tell he was trying not to smile.”

“Are you outside or something?”

“Yeah, I’m walking home from Steph’s party. Drank a couple glasses of wine a little too fast. Jason’s been drinking all day. I wasn’t about to let his drunk ass drive me home. You don’t mind stayin’ on the phone with me until I get home do ya’? Not that I’m scared, but just in case the aliens decide to come out of the cornfield and try to grab me or somethin’, someone will know what happened to me.”

I snickered. “Yeah, I don’t mind. Whose Steph by the way?”

“She’s my boss at the sorority. The cool one. It’s her birthday and they were having a dinner party today. But Jason ruined all that as usual.”

That didn’t surprise me. Even though deep down I knew that Sarah and Jason belonged together. Both of them had the same sense of humor, the same need to go against social norms, the same need to have an audience in their antics. The first time I met Jason he asked me what there was to do in this town. When I said not much, he then asked if I wanted to go kick some puppies. He said it so straight faced, without a hint of sarcasm, that it was hard to tell if he was serious or not. I knew right then that Jason and Sarah were meant for each other.

“Awesome. what did he do this time?”

“More like what didn’t he do. First he went fishing, came back trashed. I ended up having to take the girls to his parent’s house, which you know I freaking hate. He got mad that I got a little too drunk too fast. Then he got mad cuz’ I was talkin’ to Manny the cook. Even though I was totally scorin’ Jason some weed for later.” He started being his jack ass way with my boss and I decided to walk home. I have the keys to the Jimmy so he ain’t drivin’ anytime soon. I just don’t understand why he can’t go one day without being sober. I am so sick of it.”

“I could not even imagine.” We’d all gotten to know Jason. My husband, Nate and Jason really hit it off. In fact, Sarah and I would often joke that the two of them would leave us for each other someday. We spent the weekend with them in the beginning of their marriage. They lived in a tiny, nowhere town called Lone Tree. Sarah and Jason shared a small two-bedroom apartment with some bonus space in the attic. When Sarah moved the coffee table to make room for the pull-out couch, there were bricks of weed hidden in its confines. When she pulled the bed out of the couch, more bricks were hidden in there as well. “By the way,” Sarah said that night almost 8 years ago. “Jason’s a dealer. You should see the attic. If you guys still got high, I could totally hook you up.”

“Eight years of this shit, Tracy and not one day has he ever been sober. If he’s not drinking he’s smokin’ weed, if not weed, stupid pills.”

“Sarah, at some point, you have to ask yourself if he’s worth fighting for. If you’re ready to give up on him, then your relationship is over. But, it can’t just be you who puts in all the effort.”

“You know what today is?” She didn’t wait for me to guess. And raised her voice to a loud yell. “It’s gangsta’ hippies Friday! Shirts on! Pants off! Squeeze your butt cheeks and grab the plunger!” I heard in the background a horn honk and someone yelling at her to go back to the psych ward. “Nobody gets me here.” She stated. “I wish you lived closer.”

“I know, me too.” We also lived in a small Iowa town, five times the size of Lone Tree, but a small town just the same. Nate would never leave the hellhole we lived in though, just as Jason would never leave Lone Tree. Sarah and I often conspired to talk to each other’s husbands to convince them that a move to the cities was in everyone’s best interest. The boys weren’t having it though. Monthly trips and daily phone calls would have to suffice the two of us.

“Wait a minute, Gansta’ Hippy? Does that mean instead of hugging trees we shoot ’em up?”

“I don’t get it.” Sarah said. “Jason’s still pissed about the Mother’s Day fight. It’s been way over a year since that shit and he’s still pissed about it. You remember that night don’t ya Tracy?”

I remembered that night alright. My brother Monie decided Mother’s Day would be a great time for all the boys to get together and have a guy’s night out. The whole night was a fiasco and almost caused the dissolution of my own marriage. But for Sarah and Jason, it had almost turned deadly. Sarah, ReNee, Destiny (Monie’s wife) and I all sat at home trying to cope with the fact that the guys would have the audacity to plan a guy’s night out on Mother’s day of all days when they couldn’t even plan a decent date night.

To make matters worse, Nate had butt dialed me and we could hear the conversation the guys were having. I laid the phone down on the kitchen table, placing it on speaker phone and listened as the guys started talking about the latest Marvel movie. The conversation changed gears when Jason proclaimed loudly that he thought Sarah was cheating on him. Monie and Matt, ReNee’s husband, defended Sarah. But my husband consoled Jason by saying that he thought the same thing about me. “Ever since she quit smoking,” Nate started. “Tracy’s been a royal bitch. I’ve been half tempted to throw a pack a smokes at her head and tell her I liked her better when she smoked.”

“Yeah,” Jason replied. “I’d take bitchy anytime over Sarah’s psycho routine.”

“Oooh, you called Sarah psycho. Even I know better than that.” Matt stated in an I’m gonna’ tell voice. ReNee was the only one that had a sense to shut the phone off right then. But Sarah and I had heard enough. We both went out to the garage and lit up a smoke. Sarah was pacing; a wide circle on the inside of my single car garage. I hadn’t seen her this angry since Monie had called her a psycho back in sixth grade. If the garage hadn’t been so dark, I would swear her tan skin was turning bright red. We were still finishing our smokes when we heard the familiar sound of Jason’s Jimmy pull into the driveway. Sarah and I both stood in silence in the garage and listened as the boys clamored out of the truck and started conversing in the driveway just beyond the closed garage door.

“Best night ever.” Matt said. “We should do this again.”

“I know, right. Next Mother’s day sounds like a plan.” Monie answered.

“That is if we live through this night.” Jason said.

“I’m sure that Tracy and Sarah are plotting our death as we speak. Don’t be surprised if I wake up dead tomorrow bro’s,” Nate responded. We could here that the boys were all high-fiving each other over the last remark. Nate often thought that I would kill him in his sleep. At the time I was studying forensics and with it came endless hours of watching “Dateline”, “Snapped”, “Criminal Minds” and “Law and Order”. The sarcastic joke didn’t bother me as much as the fact that Nate actually thought I was cheating on him. Here I was going to school full-time, working full-time, and raising five children. When in the world would I have time to cheat on him?

I looked over at Sarah and she had sunk into the shadows of the garage walls. The only reason I knew she was still there was the burning ember of her cigarette and the tendrils of white smoke that raised from her hand. I didn’t have to see her to know that she was seething.

Sarah took pleasure in making it a point to act like someone who just did a stint in the psych ward, but she hated more than anything to be called “Psycho”. Psycho was a word often used to describe our bi-polar, OCD mother. The worst thing anyone could say to me or my sisters is that we were just like our mother.

The boys outside the door were completely oblivious to the hostility that was brewing under the oppressive darkness that lingered just inside the garage. For now, they were protected by the still closed garage door. When Jason announced he needed to ‘take a piss’, I knew with apprehension and dread that something dire was about to happen.

Sarah had put her smoke out. She stayed in the shadows and I could see under her peacock colored, peasant top her muscles were bristling, her fists balled up. As soon as Jason came through the door, Sarah lunged. Jason tried to move out of the way, but he was too drunk and therefor too slow. In one quick movement, Sarah had his back up against the bare wall. Her arm was placed under his chin forcing his Adam’s apple in. Forced air escaped his mouth.

“What the…” Jason screamed.

“I’m cheating on you huh?” She spat. “I’m a psycho too.”

“Well the way you and Tracy hang out with each other, I wouldn’t doubt it. She’s a two timing whore, you know…Nate said so.” Jason’s voice was wheezing under the pressure of Sarah’s arm on his throat. I could tell he was having a hard time drawing in air. Matt, Nate and Monie all peered into the garage to see what all the commotion was. I locked eyes with Nate and he looked down at his feet. He reminded me of a dog who knew he was in trouble, with his ears drooped and his tail between his legs.

I heard a gurgling coming from where Sarah and Jason were. Sarah had lifted Jason clear off his feet with both hands around his throat. Not an impossible feat. Jason was Asian, he was just a couple inches taller than Sarah. Sarah’s dark, brown, curly hair was pulled back in a tight pony tail and I could see the veins in her muscular neck protrude. The more Jason tried desperately to pry her hands off, so he could get one good breath, Sarah’s grip tightened. Jason’s blood shot eyes bulged out of their sockets. The smell of fresh urine permeated the confines of the garage. Monie was the only one brave enough to enter the garage. He stood almost two feet taller than Sarah’s 5 foot frame. Monie wrapped his arm around Sarah’s neck, lifting her chin straight up so she had no choice but to let go of Jason. As soon as she did, Jason took in one breath and then vomited all over himself. He was bent over still reeling from the lack of air and he sucked desperately at the demoralizing air that had spread thick throughout the garage. He looked from Sarah to me, then back to Sarah and bolted back out the garage door. Mother’s Day hasn’t been the same since.

“Why would he bring that up?” I responded to Sarah.

“Because, he’s a freaking whiny ass pussy. I guess I humiliated him and now he hates me. I could hear an approaching car muffled in the phone.

“Hold on,” Sarah said. I couldn’t make out much of what was going on. A man’s voice-must be Jason-demanding that Sarah get in the car. There was a scuffle and then I heard the car spit gravel and peel out.

“You still there?” Sarah said after a lengthy pause.

“Are you okay? What’s going on? Should I call the cops?

“No, please don’t, just stay on the line with me. Fuckin’ Jake brought Jason the spare set of keys. What a dumb ass. I hope he rams that damn Jimmy around a tree…save me the trouble of offing him later…Oh shit! He’s coming back.” It sounded to me like Sarah had thrown the phone down. I heard her scream and then nothing for a while. Just when I was about to hang up and dial 911, Sarah came back on. “Tracy, he just tried to run me down.” Sarah was out of breath, which was completely out of character for her. She was in great shape. Biked 10 miles a day, ran another five, lifted weights, played volleyball, softball, basketball and coached the Lone Tree high school cheerleading squad. All that and she was raising two girls, going to school at U of I for sports medicine and working a shitty job as a sorority house maid. To hear Sarah out of breath scared me. “I’m hiding in the cornfield now. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never seen him like this.”

“Sarah, let me call the police, this is stupid he’s gonna kill you or someone else.”

“Noooo,” She screamed. “Please no. I don’t need him to have another D-U-I. The best thing you can do right now is stay on the phone with me.

“Sarah, I’m scared.”

“I’ll be okay.” She whispered. “I’m just gonna stay right here in the corn for a while. God, I hope there’s no snakes in here….I need a drink like J-F-K needed a hood on his car.” I could tell she was trying to lighten the somber mood, but nothing about this was funny to me. “I love you Tracy, like Dora loves her map and as much as Hitler’s dad needed to pull out.”

“Sarah…” I started. “Jason needs help. You and the girls need help. This isn’t anywhere near normal.”

“I’m not normal. Nothing about my life is normal and I like it that way. Jason will be fine. He’ll find a place to hole up in and then come crawling back tomorrow all apologetic and shit…I’m gonna make him work really hard at making this up to me though…hell I might do what you did to Nate Mother’s Day and pack all his shit up before he comes home and ship him to mommy and daddy’s for a little while.”

“I think a time out, might be healthy for ya’. You and the girls are welcome here til shit cools down.”

“I haven’t heard anything for awhile. I’m gonna try and make it home now. Thanks for staying on the phone with me.”

“I wish I was there with you. I feel so helpless.”

“You are, Tracy more than you can possibly know….here I go.” Sarah went radio silent. I could hear her breathing deeply into the phone. “Oh shit! There’s a white dude with a shot gun and a big ass dog headed over towards me…oh wait, we’re in Lone Tree, it’s all white dude’s with shot guns and big ass dogs here. God I hate this town.”

“Shit, I’d rather be there than this hell hole.”

“Don’t you try and one up me big sisser. At least you have a Walmart.”

“Yeah, but you’re a lot closer to the cities than we are. I’d give anything to be able to drive to the cities for some entertainment. Walmart is the only entertainment here.”

“Oh, the times we had at Walmart,” Sarah giggled. “Remember that time when I drove the motorized wheelchair that says ‘for preferred customers’ around the store and then security came up and said I could…shit!” I could hear the loud motor of the Jimmy approaching. “Jason stop.” Sarah screamed…it wasn’t a scream, she shrieked, a terrifying scream, like when a deer or rabbit shrieks…before death. There was a sickening thud. I wish I could say there was silence, but I could hear the Jimmy’s engine purr. The purring engine roared with rage and gravel hit the speaker of the phone. And then nothing.

“Sarah?” I said, my voice trembling. “Sarah, are you there? Oh God! Sarah. Say something.” I screamed at nothing, nothing but ear-piercing silence. Dead silence.