One Bite At A Time

We sat on the sea wall, my brothers and I, waiting for dad to change a flat tyre.

    "How do you eat an Elephant?" asked my baby brother.

Mac had been driving us mad with that one ever since he found it in a Christmas cracker. 

     "One.  Bite.  At.  A.  Time." I replied through gritted teeth.

      "Yes, but how do you eat a hotel" asked an old lady leaning against the wall.

       "what" we answered in unison.

        "See those iron work  gates over there" she said pointing over the road. 

        "There used to be a nice hotel there once, it was called 'The Eleanor' had a ballroom, posh restaurant and even a sunken Rose Garden where you could have afternoon tea, with little sandwiches, scones, and tea in fancy teapots.  Lots of famous people stayed there, film stars and millionaires, until it got eaten away"

        "What ate it" asked Edward. 

       "Aliens" interjected Mac jumping off the wall "like in Star Trek, Aliens coming down from space"

The old lady started laughing "no, no, not aliens" she spluttered, "it was..." but we never heard the rest as dad yelled  "Come on kids we're on our way."

 Once we were settled into the car mum asked "who were you talking to?"

      "Just some mad old lady" I replied

       "Hay!" said dad "thats not nice, and what do you mean by mad?"

        "Well, she reckoned someone ate a hotel"

       "What hotel"

        "The one thats not there, was called the Eleanor"

        "Hum, suppose she's right, in a way"

Mum gave him a funny look.

Termites he explained.

        "Yea"yelled Mac "like that SarahJane lady coming back from the future"

          "What on earth have you kids been watching?" asked mum

          "No, not Terminator you twit," said dad "termites, small things like ants"

          "small things, like ants?" said Mac puzzled 

         "so how do they eat a hotel?"

  I looked at Edward

            "One bite at a time" we chorused.