Second chances

My first date with God, was intense to say the least. God was the longest relationship I have ever been in, but I'm finally going on my second date with God. It's so funny, I've known God for so long, but it's like I'm finally learning who God is. When I was just about to go on my first date with God, I had instructions whispered in my ears. Rules were explained and customs were performed. I learnt rituals, spoke of blessings, sang praises, and avoided harshness. On my first date with God I expected enchantment, I expected extreme, I wanted wonderment,  and desired divinity. When I came home from that first date and had none of the things I had so desperately hoped to see and to believe, when I had nothing in my hands, I turned to look around me. I thought am I alone among all these believers who can see those great turrets on high. I wished, if only I could see some great presence or feel it's aura like the others; inhale it's essence like those who claim to feel its touch, to know it, to live it. If so many are living it, they can't all be wrong, If so many feel God's love then who am I not to try. So I studied and learnt, and God started to change, I heard of God's wrath, his anger, I envisioned greatness, and learnt hatred. I expected to be taught how to bring together, but was instructed to drive apart. All under the pretense of God I was told what to do and why, who to love, and when it's appropriate to try. When to leave and where to go, only told yes or no. When I heard no more reasons, when I got no response, I looked around again. I looked around as I had done every day, I saw where I was, and it was farther than I'd ever came. I'd left a lot behind, and I still know where it lays, but now I know, that it's just for visiting. Because when I finally looked around after all those years of walking, I realized I had my nose buried in a book that whole time. I couldn't love God, because I couldn't see God while I was always looking down. Reading into God is fine, but you'll likely lose your mind, not from sense but from the road. You can study and you can preach, you can stand on the busiest corner on the biggest of streets. You can set up shop, and invite people to stop but what does it mean, feeling so clean, shiny and nice, does it ever make you think twice. What abut the world out there, what about the trees, the all natural breeze? What about all those things that exist for a reason, that make me wonder and thank God for intellect. Because I can both wonder and love, discuss theory and have fun, not everything requires uniform from above. I'm finally going on my second date with God and it's going really well. I'm getting to learn about all the quirks I already knew, but in a different way this time. Because I don't have anyone whispering in my ears, no-one to feed me any fears. I know God is love, and I know this because, I've felt it every day since I left that space. To all the believers I left behind,  to all the truth seekers wasting their time. I left that first date and I was pissed, but we had a talk and I think God has changed, at least for me. It did take a long time, I'm not going to lie, but everything seems different now.  Now I'm on my second date with God. I don't know how long I'll stick around this time, but everything's all the more wonderful. The world is more beautiful if you just look at it for what it is, instead of chiseling it to perfection. Because as you chisel away for the sake of uniformity, you shave off a layer of beauty never to be gotten back.