(Example Post) A Pooh-rady

Ever since Christopher Robin went off to Vanderbilt in pursuit of an architectural law degree, the residents of the Hundred Acre Woods were constantly threatening and harassed within their beloved home.  Only three months after his departure, the woodland animals had begun to battle wildfire, pollution, and harassment from human "nature enthusiasts" seeking a selfie with miniature pig or a misplaced marsupial.  Over the years conditions became intolerable, and the woodland creatures sought to fight back.

Reports of a wild tiger and a bear wearing a tattered Harvard-crimson shirt vandalizing playgrounds and terrorizing school children spread across news outlets throughout the country.  The woodland creatures of the Hundred Acre Woods had successfully - albeit, temporarily - driven out all intrusive and provocative human life from the perimeter.  Reveling in their success, the animals celebrated noisily with huge barrels of honey-mead, tasty carrot-and-radish quiches, and scantily-clad foals who "knew how to horse around" according to their pimp stud.

The morning after the booze-induced orgy, the animals awoke to the sound of terribly large and frightening machinery.  The group elected the wisest and only literate member of the party, an old bespectacled owl, to survey whatever was occurring and report back.  The owl disappeared above the tops of the oak and birch trees after sunrise and did not return that night.

The woodland creatures began to greatly fear that whatever noises had transpired throughout the day would soon endanger their habitat and, more importantly, their lives.  The most charismatic of the group, the shirt-yielding bear, organized a defense routine involving sharpened stick shivs, repurposed gardening tools, and developing molotov cocktails in old honey pots.  Just as the tiger was teaching the group how to best utilize one's canine teeth, the owl clumsily collapsed in the trunk of a thick redwood, panting heavily.

The animals immediately abandoned their weapons and gathered around the owl, clamoring in anticipation.  His spectacles were shattered, a wing was violently clipped, and something blinked green and red on his left ankle.

The rabbit and miniature pig helped him to his feet, where he was able to catch his breath.  "*Gasp* the humans *hicc* they're abol-*wheeze*-abolishing the Hund-"

"Owl!  Speak coherently!" The donkey bucked impatiently.

"Condominiums!  They're making condominiums!"

~~~~~

The Hundred Acre Woods, by A. A. Milne