So Close

"Can you see them? Down there, or is it too far? Every last one of them is just like you. You can't see it, and some can't see it themselves. But each one of us is a ship at sea. Some glide through the water, weightless and carefree; c'est la vie. Others, like you and me, are trapped in a torrent with no end in sight."

"Is this suppose to help?"

"Let me finish. Where was I... right boats. We are all on the ocean of life. Even when we are docked or have never been through a storm, no one is truly safe from the waves. The changing of winds are like the changes of fate. Pushing us into hazards or safehavens, no matter how hard we try to navigate our own lives. Until the ship sinks, as they all will one day."

"I think I'm drowning and every time I try to come up for air I get pulled back down. I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting only to get no where. I don't want to keep fighting anymore. Let the waves take me under, it has to be better than this, or at least not as bad."

"Sinking isn't better, it isn't anything. It is the place beyond hopelessness, because you can leave that place. At the bottom of that ocean is the abyss, where even hopelessness cannot exist. It is nothing, cannot grow, change, live, or feel anything. If you go, you cannot leave. I think it is a mistake to go prematurely, you are taking on water, but until the ship is under there is hope."

"Are you trying to tell me it gets better?"

"I'm saying it can. I don't know what will happen, but I do know this: we make choices. We can't control everything, but we do have some; especially right here and now. Not jumping isn't going to stop a bus from killing you tomorrow, but it will stop you from having the best sleep in your life tonight. Life sucks, but it also doesn't."

"Is it weird that I'm more afraid of walking away than I am of falling?"

"No. I know that feeling well. I'm feeling it right now. You think you're so far from the edge some days. Yet, it's days like today that remind me how close it can be."

"Is it because of me?"

"Don't flatter yourself. Talking with you is one of the highlights of this day, because at least I know you aren't lying to me. Not yelling at me, it's quiet here. No noise here; god I hate the noise. I feel like my head is in a blender full of chalkboards and nails."

"Agh. That image makes my skin crawl."

"Yeah, mine too. That doesn't change the fact that I'm going to walk away from this ledge. No matter what comes tomorrow. I know it could be just like today; yet, it could be awesome. And now, I'm going to get up, walk away, go home, and go to bed. The only question on my mind is whether or not you'll walk away with me."

"I don't know. I don't know where I would go."

"I've got a couch."

"Not gonna be the gentleman and offer the bed?"

"No, its my bed and I'm going to need it. Plus the couch isn't bad. It's sleepable."

"What does 'sleepable' even mean?"

"Well, you'll have to see for yourself."