PROGRESS

Felt held his head, leaning with all the weight of his chest, against the showers steam fogged glass door. Strands of dark hair writhed wet where they touched as his shoulders lurched. He couldn’t feel the tears, they were drowned by warm water. He wondered whether or not they were actually there. He couldn’t find a purpose he should have invited such an ineffective practice yet the physical symphony crescendoed. Was his heart really in it or was the sensation hollowing inside just hot air filling his lungs?

The water slid inside the tips of his fingers and stripped off his back congealing around his ankles. Sloshing within his white washed cubicle until it crawled cascading under the glass and onto the concrete floor. The water took the matter of ending itself in its own hands, slowly dragging out until the barrened eye of the shower head finally shut. The door proceeded to make an opposing decision with the breaking of what remained of its false suction closed. Felt sighed remembering to breathe. Perhaps he hadn't been crying, he felt nothing now.

In the mirror, he briefly acknowledged the new lack of grease staining the creases in his skin. There was something about his own naked reflection that was focally uncanny and sharply alluring, if that blade like sharp had been incredulously dulled. There was nothing present to prove to Felt otherwise.

“Aye, Needer,” he heard after he had been put in cloth and made himself present to the hall cradling the showers. “We’ve got a domestic, real sweetheart, names Soma. You know her don’t ya?” The man speaking stood half head shorter than Felt but was much larger in structure. His muscular semi-pudgy frame put a vaguely noticeable strain on the brim of his jeans and edges of the black shirt he wore tucked in. His hair was slicked to the side and bounced rigidly as he approached. Felt shook his head.

“I know Soma.”

“Good, looks like you're the only way she's getting out,” The man spoke thrusting a thumb towards the distant tower of the local housing complex. He pressed forward to hand Felt a slip of clean paper. “The address,” he nodded.

“Hey, what do you mean I'm the only one?”

“Davy was supposed t’ handle it but the little lady made a request. She’ll only step out for you. Ya know how it is, not healthy to avoid light that long.” The man made a move to leave.

“Whats she need from me?”

He answered with a wide grin “Suppose you'll have to figure that one on your own. Better get over there Romeo.”

The walk pulling Felt to the address printed on the now crumpled paper in his pocket was suffocatingly scenic. Flora and fauna peacocked the peripherals and flowing streams bent along either side of the path. This all to funnel him to an open lot where the falling sun could lap colors at the sky as it sulked off behind perfect mountain tops. He removed the contents of his pocket to read the print once more. It was on the seventh floor.

His knock upon her wide door felt hollow as one would expect, save the perceived depth of its ricochet. He felt a shuffle from behind the door and the vibration of a voice he could only assume was asking his name. “Hey... uh… It's me. Er, it's Felt.” The knob clicked unlocking. A button nose poked out the crack created in the doorway making itself visible. The lips below it let out a strained faintly heard voice.

“You… want me to come out?” Felt nodded. The figure disappeared from the light, leaving the door gently to sway. After a long pause, Felt inched his way cautiously through the door. 

She was sitting, her knees tucked against her chest, on the floor at the other end of her bed. A television played static a few feet on the floor in front of her illuminating her full profile against the dark. Aside from a few stray socks the room was kept extraordinarily tidy.

Felt gently pressed the door closed behind him and slowly made his way across the soft white carpet to sit beside her. He looked past the hand, maned in the dried residue of bleeding nails, which lay on her cheek at the red puff in her eyes. They stayed fixed on the tv screen.

“Soma I…” She lay her head suddenly in his lap. Felt held his breath thrusting his hands above his head. His eyes hurriedly scanned her face for any hint of intention. Her eyes remained glued to the screen.

“R.. run your hands through my hair,” She gently demanded. Felt moved to speak but his voice had been taken. “What? You haven’t spent too much time jacking on pretty machines you can’t give a girl a kind touch h.. have you?” She let out a small singular laugh deep inside her throat while she shuffled to find warmth against his legs. He gradually let the air from his lips as he lowered a hand to her head. She shivered in his lap as his fingers ran through her hair.

“Soma, whats going on?”

“You’re falling in love with me.” He paused.

“I don’t know you.”

“Do you know anyone?” He didn’t respond. Absently he lifted a lock of her hair twirled around his forefinger. “Why do people I don’t know have to care so much about me? So much, it hurts.” Felt dropped the lock.

“Kindness is a virtue, we all work together to ensure the happiness of…,” he stopped. He looked deep inside the TV static. His hand continued to comb her hair.

“It hurts, Felt, I don’t know why it hurts. There's no reason for it too, not this much. What's the point of leaving this room? To get sunlight? To have all my needs catered to? Have you ever felt hungry? Or… or cold or sad? Have you ever felt pain?”

“Yes.” She readjusted her head closer to his torso.

“Where does it come from? The pain? What's the point of it? Why won’t they let me feel it? What am I to them? Why have they robbed me of my pain? Do they think they can manage it better? How is that moral? How is that just?” Felt remained silent. She climbed to her feet. “Do you even know what we're doing here? What are our options? What are we working towards? I can see an option and, Felt, I think I want to be someone who makes that decision.” She picked up his hand and lead him out the door.

It was raining outside, water showering over the concrete protrusions covering the metal walkway attached to the side of the complex outside the door. She turned and looked him in the eye. “I… I think this will show them they don’t own me, that their kindness can’t buy my soul.” She stepped atop the railing at the edge of the walkway. Felt stumbled madly to pull her down. She quickly shoved a hand out to stop him as she found her balance.

“Soma, this isn’t the way to do that. Nobody owns you, just… step down.” Felt begged glancing up and down the walkway for help. She moved to swing a shaky foot around and kneel down slightly to meet his eyes. She slipped on the rain wetted rail. Felt rushed to grab her. Clinging desperately to her sleeves he allowed her to stabilize.

“Come on,” He gasped trying to pull her off. She pushed dangerously away from his efforts. “Okay… okay. Just relax.” He moved closer, wrapping her in his arms.

“I… I think this is who I want to be,” she leaned into his embrace. Their cold lips touched gently. She whispered softly “I’ll be going now, take good care of yourself.” Those were the last words she ever said to him or anyone else. After that, he saw her jump from the building wrecking a car under the weight of her body. The look in her lifeless eyes full of the pain she had spoken of but also with the subtlety of a smile. She wanted it to stop, so she did. The water stopped falling. She had been a Needer too.