Love with an addict

Events have occurred over these last months that would have ended almost any relationship. Trust has been completely destroyed and rebuilt several times, through lying, cheating and stealing. I have had nervous breakdowns at work and sleepless nights battling with inner demon after inner demon. I used to spend every day with my friends, and now I might not even see them once a week. I have been pushed to the edge, and even over it once or twice.

However, she feels like my other half. We share a lot of quirks, and delight in most of each other's quirks regardless of mutuality. We make each other laugh and smile daily, even when we are at our worst. We have brought out the best in each other many times, and both of us have stepped up and bettered ourselves tremendously because of our relationship. I couldn't imagine my life any other way.

I ask myself questions often that I have yet to find answers to. Is this relationship a triumph of faith in love and our fellow human beings, or am I just a doormat in denial? Does she know if she truly loves me, or has she not been sober enough to tell? Did my gut steer me wrong, or was I wise to not follow my friends' advice? Did I take all the heartbreak and torture in this relationship out of love, or desperation?

Life is rarely that black and white though.