Brain games.

Panic. Sly little word.

Fire alarm? Earthquake? Lost credit card?

For you.

For me, reality. 

Classroom, squinting eyes, mocking.

Happy people, lump in throat, dread.

Eye contact, flush, blush, rush away before they... before what?

Corridor jammed, confidence oozing, my eyes sting. 

Don't notice me, don't notice me, don't notice.

Please.

Color-glazed, groping smiles, reaching.

Bags casual, slung, careless. 

They're all laughing. Laughing at you.

They hate you.

You're boring.

Pa-thetic!

Useless, Scum.

Here goes the voice in my head. At it again.

Controlled breathing in an effort to recall comforting tutorial.

"Panic attacks: what they are and what to do when you're.... "

Controlled breathing. Shallow. Swallow. 

Its not working.

Palpitations present themselves, hands hurt, thing in my throat distends exponentially.

Breathe, breath, breathe.

Its working.

It worked.

Do I thank my brain for sparing me?

It's just an evolutionary trait. Its just the good ol' fight or flight response.

Not when people thing you're a freak.

Not when you have no friend.

Not when you jump with excitement at the arrival of a single text in months.

Not when cry in your dream and wake up still crying.

No.

Dear brain, please.

No more.