Eggs in the water.

We have been dating for three weeks now. I did not want to rush things, but three weeks without even the mention of sex seemed like a long time. 

So, I brought up the topic, and she agreed.

We went out to her swimming pool, and she dived in.

She squirted eggs on the water, then got out of the pool, and told me to jack off on them while she fixed herself a tuna sandwich.

Never date a mermaid.