I’m scared

I'm scared of history quizzes and geometry tests and seeing who stays and who leaves me next

When I am scared I see the faces of those who's fate I destroyed and I think about the consequences when I shouldn't be thinking at all but all I can do it's think and think and think until my brain can't think anymore.

That's not it though.

Im scared of cuts sinking into the veins of my skin

I am scared of coughing until my lungs deflate

I am scared of being alone in a room filled with people

I am scared of being apart from the people I've known the longest

I am scared of getting too attached to someone who left years ago

I am scared of what I saw when they came back

I am scared of looking into the sun for too long because even then my eyes don't burn

I am scared of falling asleep and waking up to a quiet house

I am scared of repeatedly telling myself to breathe

I am scared of her.

She is who I am afraid of.

She is the one who takes my eyes and staples them back so I can't blink and miss something

She is the one who shakes my eardrums

She is the one who counts the cracks on a curb

She is familiar.

She is

I am

I'm scared of me.