What If?

What if it was all my fault, from the very beginning? What if i deserved it? What if I was supposed to be abandoned by my family? What if I really am as worthless as they insist I am? What if I don't deserve to be happy? What if it was never his fault? What if I hurt him, too? What if I did hurt my mom even though I never meant to? What if all I'll ever do is cause pain to those I love? What if I'll never find someone to love me as much as I love them? What if my past will never leave me alone? What if we aren't right for each other? What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if no one will want me? What if I'm as terrible of a person as I think I am? What if the negative tapes playing in my head never stop? What if my doubts are the facts that I can't accept yet? What if I killed myself tonight? What if no one noticed? What if no one cared? What if my what ifs are secrets my head keeps from my heart? What if?