How You Become Gay
You get really jealous when your best friend spends too much time with her boyfriend at 12.
You jokingly call Buffy the Vampire Slayer hot at 13.
Someone explains the concept of platonic girl crushes at 14.
A girl sits in your lap in class one day and you like it too much at 15.
You try making out with every guy you can get your hands on at 16.
You prove you're not a pussy by kissing a girl on a dare at a party at 17.
You drunkenly experiment [cheat on your boyfriend] with your best friend first semester of college at 18.
So you admit you're bi at 19.
You remember how your mom was so happy you weren't boy crazy like all the other girls at 11.
And how you kept watching the third Harry Potter because Emma Watson's boobs looked so good on the cover at 10.
And that you've been wearing cargo shorts and flannels since you were 9.
And you started wearing boxers at 8.
And you wanted to be a boy at 7.
And your parents learned to ask for the Hot Wheels and not the Polly Pocket in your Happy Meals by age 6.
And you remember crying because you were different from all the other girls but didn't know how or why at 5.
And that's as far back as your memory goes so you decide you either turned gay at 4 or you were born this way.