“You are not depressed”

"you are not depressed"- my family tells me

why do they say that

because I smile.

I laugh

I am doing what I love

They don't know that depression is me when i am smiling

When I am laughing

When I am doing what I love.

Depression could be me Crying

very loudly

in my empty house

or in my room

Depression is also my thoughts

while I smile.

" You are smiling to much youll look crazy!"

"your teeth need work"

"you have an ugly smile"

Please dont tell me to ignore these thoughts

because

I can't

See depression is yourself sometimes

Your own voice telling you very mean things

It is , for me at least,

My very mean self and my real self fighting.

As my Mean self says

"We are ugly no one will love us".

My real self tell it to stop

"We are perfect as we are"

Depression Also Brings a friend along for the ride.

Anexiety.

This little thing that isnt so little at all.

A small deep sigh from a loved one makes you think

"They hate me"

or

a Strong word makes you think you have failed as a human or person.

When your signifacant other doesnt answer

you worry they may not love you anymore

and that you annoy them.

But for some this isnt forever.

For some they are able to talk down to their mean sleves.

They are able to calm anexity.

I hope to be one of the some.