light.

The light seeps through the school windows in the morning, I watch the sun rise from the band hallway. Here before sunrise, before a lot of the faculty members. The sun is a metaphore for a lot of things. Life, death, love. The sun rises and sets just like life, we live and we die. We die and people mourn for us and are eventually forgotten.

The light is a sign of hope. I don't see any metaphorical light.

It's so much easier said than done.

I don't understand how people have so much hope, how neurotypicals exist... As someone stricken with multiple mental illnesses- I can't fathom a life with hope. I don't understand. It may seem stupid or childish that I can't understand this but I really can't. I'm sorry.

You say, "just open your eyes and see the light," but I don't know how! It's so much easier said than done. And you live 20 miles away and I haven't seen you in 4 months and I miss you so much more than words can express. I love you.

You're one of my reasons for living. You have saved my life on numerous occasions and if it weren't for you- I'd've successfully killed myself a long time ago.

Do you remember that night when I tried to kill myself again and you stayed up with me passed midnight because you were worried that I'd try to kill myself again, when you called me and were just talking to me when I wouldn't speak. You stayed on the call until I fell asleep. You made sure I was safe. No one else has done that- no one else has cared that much.

I know that we're young and "don't know what love is" but I know that I love you. You have started to show me the light and then things got busy and the light faded. I didn't shut it out on purpose, it just happened without my knowing. I'm so sorry. I love you and I didn't mean to. We rarely talk anymore and it hurts.

When you first started talking to me and you said, "I feel like I can really open up to you" that set off so many red flags and then I realized how amazing you and how much I love you. You're like no other person I've ever met.

Your words save lives. You save lives. I'm so sorry, I love you.