Thoughts on the MYTH of Climate Change

Now, you might say that we live in the twenty-first century, and the effects and causes of rising global temperatures has been soundly proven and agreed upon since the 1980s. You might say that this whole "global warming" thing is a significant contributer to species extinction and wildfires and hurricanes and a plethora of other, y'know, natural stuff that happened even before global warming became such an overblown thing. Is this whole rising temperatures thing the end of the world? No. Is it natural? Probably. Should we care as much as the media says we should? Definitely not.

We live in a world where climates are constantly changing, and where they have been doing so for literally millions of years, according to you "scientists". Mass extinction events happen every few million years, right? And they're often due to naturally changing climates! Now, everyone, it's been sixty-six million years since our last mass extinction. Of course Mother Earth would like to cleanse the world a little bit, and it might not necessarily be because of so-called "greenhouse gases," that occur naturally in the atmosphere, anyway. It's just the regular cycle of events. It's just how the world works. It's definitely not our fault, folks.

And, I mean, guys, do we even know that the world is warming? We only have temperature records from the last century or so. Do we know what weather was like in the 1800s? Can we be sure that it was cooler back then? No, of course we can't. The data we have is incomplete. And you can't forget, it's still cold in the winter! Hell, it's only twenty degrees outside my house right now! (That's about -7 degrees Celsius for all you non-American folk). Does that sound warm to you? Climate scientists would have you believe that right now, temperatures are so freakishly high that I should be able to go outside in nothing but a swimsuit! Anybody can see that that belief is simply ridiculous.

And, okay, about all these hurricanes and droughts that our ever-so-smart youngsters are sooo enthusiastic to blame on man-caused global warming, do they not realize that we've had storms on Earth before? In fact, we've had far worse storms on Earth before. You may say that hurricane Irma is the strongest hurricane on record to ever hit the Atlantic basin, but these know-it-all whippersnappers have no frame of reference. Look at Hurricane Katrina! Eighteen hundred deaths, and that was twelve years ago. Irma should've been worse after all that time for the world to warm, right? Nope. Only 134 people dead. See, these young people, they don't remember catastrophic storms of the past like my generation does. They don't know big hurricanes when they see them. They just don't know that the strengths of storms are sort of random, and that there's nothing we can do about them. And to say we caused these storms by ways of our "irresponsibility with the planet" is ridiculous. We have no control over Mother Nature. She does what she likes, and there ain't nothin' we can do.

Still not convinced that climate change is a myth perpetuated by the media and young people who simply don't know any better? Look at what they want us to do to stop it. They want us to lay off our hard-working coal miners and stop using old "gas guzzling" cars and stop eating beef and pork and things because they all emit too many of these supposedly unnatural greenhouse gases. Well, one of those "harmful" gases is methane, which is--guess what--a natural human emission that we can't control, but you don't see many of the darn liberals picketing everywhere to tell us to stop farting. Young people just don't understand the sanctity of these jobs and items--things from our generation--that they think we should all just get rid of. It's unreasonable. Just because it's not their way of life doesn't mean it's not special to some of us out there.

And, of course, now that some of those millenials can vote, the government wants to get involved in my life and greenhouse emissions too. They don't expect us to fight back, but we have to, if we're to reveal this entire thing as a ruse. Stay strong, keep eating your meat, and make sure you always forget the penguins and fluffy polar bears whose homes are literally melting. It's the only way.