Thoughts on Life, Pain, and Happiness

So, no pain for a week, huh?

No emotional or psychological pain, either, then. No heartbreak, no regret, no crippling loneliness--nada. That's a pretty dangerous power to give. People could go pretty crazy with that.

I'd remove myself from all the relationships I'm in with people who routinely make me feel awful. I'd break it off with all the people who say they love me and don't, all the people who patronize me, all the people who exclude me when it's convenient to them. I'd list off all the wrongs that people have done to me and remove them from my life accordingly, breaking off all ties and connections that I have with them. I'd make sure that after the week was over, it would be more than clear that every false friend I had would never interact with me on a personal level ever again. I would tell some of them that I never want to see them again, and that would be the end of that. When the week is over, I know I'll feel the anguish of losing dozens of people close to me, and my heart will break over and over for every one of them. But I'd know that what I did was right, because none of them would ever have the power to break my heart again. I could finally let them all go.

I'd talk to all the people I've always thought were cool. I wouldn't fear the pain of rejection, or the anxiety, or failure, and I could just talk to them, and tell them how rad they seem to me. Maybe most of them would be all weirded out and try to make polite conversation until they find an oppurtunity for escape, but maybe a few--or, really, even just one--might think that I'm cool, too. At the end of the week, yeah, I'd feel a little embarrassed, but I'd know someone else better, and I might even have some new friends to replace the ones I let go.

I'd let the people in my life and the things around me make me happy. I'd laugh and learn and love without worrying about how things are going to end up with me and life and the world. I wouldn't be afraid of the future like I am now, so I could finally live in the moment. I would be stronger and riskier and more trusting and just happier. Yeah, things would hurt again in a few days, and life would stabilize eventually, but so many bad influences in my life would be removed almost instantaneously. A week without pain would be the first week in an entirely new life.

If only.