10 REASONS People Who Don’t Know Me Think I’m A Bitch...
Reason number one:
*sigh*
I am a bitch.
Two:
My exhaustion from all the emotional labor I put in each day seems to appear on my face to others as Resting Bitch Face.
Three:
I am not an inviting person. Something about the trauma of being molested at 5yrs old does not allow my anxiety to think to invite strangers into my body despite them announcing " I'm a hugger" as they uninvitedly wrap all their unfamiliar arms around by tense and triggered body. I give, really bad hugs.
Four:
I don't like shaking hands. Something about an outstretched hand reminds me too much of a weapon, of my mother's fist. I flinch at strangers introductions and do not meet their empty desire for physical contact for the sake of "polite" pleasantries. I am always on guard. Protect, Protect, Protect! I can't seem to bring myself to break down my trauma enough to meet social norms.
Five:
I am a BITCH
Six:
I'm introverted. Like extremely introverted. Like Alessia Cara, "stand offish, don't want what you offering" introverted. And this would not normally make me a bitch but since I'm both pretty and introverted motherfuckers don't respect my duality and dismiss my introvertedness as stuck up bitch behavior and sooooo....
Seven:
I am INDEED a Bitch
Eight:
I don't smile a lot. Between the depression and the insecurity of my gapped teeth I just forget that people feel more comfortable around people who have inviting mouths. And my mouth is a glitched jaw, is sword and shield, is thorn bushes, is a room of warmth, dampness with sharp, pointy things to poke your ego on.
Nine:
I don’t speak to everyone. I don’t speak as often to even those who know me. After spending years with a stutter, my tongue tripping over all my words like a drunk uncle no one invited to the conversation but you’re gonna get his 2cents and beer breath anyway. I find I try to mean all the things I say when I find something worth saying even if that something isn’t the nicest thing…. Because
Ten: I am a bitch