A Coffee Date
I open my eyes to find myself surrounded by a soft light, like that which blankets the earth after a soft snowfall. In the distance there stands a lone table, beautifully crafted out of dark oak and inlaid with artfully designed golden florals, a man sits drinking from a mug with the bold letters proclaiming, "World's Best Dad" scribbled childishly on its surface. As I step closer to the surreal scene, he looks up a crinkle around his eyes and a subtle smile tugging at his lips, "What took you so long cupcake?". His voice is like honey to my ears and tears spring into my eyes; emotions cloud my throat and I'm rendered speechless. Concern spread in his deep hazel eyes, and I can't help but pinch myself. This has to be a dream; another nightmare that is waiting to take a turn and tear my soul apart. I know better though. It's real. My soul knows that this is real.
"Cupcake, get out of your head and come sit with me."
Tears well in my eyes again, but I push them down. I wont waste this gift. I"ve spent years praying for the chance to visit with my daddy, and God has finally guided me to this moment. I sit down and notice there is a mug sitting in front of me. To calm my nerves, I reach for the steaming cup and bring it to my lips. My tongue is greeted with the rich flavors of my favorite coffee. I'm not surprised.
"Daddy, I have so much to ask; so many questions."
The smile is back in his eyes. "I know Cupcake, I've heard all of them. You'll have answers in due time."
We sit together in a silence. Not the overwhelming silence of a stranger, but a comfortable one that can only be achieved with years of friendship.
He looks up from his mug, which I now decide is his characteristic cup of black coffee, and looks at me softly. "Cupcake, you haven't been happy lately." Once again, I am not surprised that he would know this.
"I know daddy. I've been so lost. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I thought that I had my life figured out, but doubt creeps into the corners of my heart. It spreads each day until I can longer tell where I end, and it begins. My chest starts to tighten until I can no longer take in a breath-" "-Cupcake, slow down. You think too much. God has a plan for you, you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now. Your next step is right around the corner, but in order for Him to tell you which path to take, you have to clear your head and listen for His guidance." His eyes are sparking with laughter and I know that he wants to poke fun at my overactive mind. Now is not the time though. He refrains from his comment but the mirth in his eyes can't be hidden.
I take a moment to look at him. He looks healthy, like the pictures I have of before he got sick. Dark brown hair covers his head, and hazel eyes, duplicates of Jessica's, that dance with a warmth that hers had never achieved. An easy smile constantly hovers at the corners of his lips, and he looks relaxed in his chair. I can't help but picture how different my life would look if he had survived. Surely having a father who never met a stranger in his life would have changed how painfully shy I get around those same strangers.
"Cupcake, you got lost in that head of yours again. What has you so distracted?"
"Daddy, why did you have to leave? Didn't you want to see my graduation? Wedding? Children? Jessica is married and pregnant now; didn't you want to be a part of that?"
"Hunny, I wanted nothing more that to grow old watching you experience all that life has to offer, but my time was up. I had to make room for someone who needed all of you more that I did. Dewey was a good dad to you, probably better than I could have ever been. He needed your mom, he needed you. And y'all needed him. We may not always understand why God does things in the way that He does, but He had a purpose. He still has a purpose. You have to have Faith in Him. You have to be willing to listen to His Wisdom. I have been there for you. I watched you give a speech at graduation, I watched you move into your dorm. I guided you to a friend in class. I watched Jessica get engaged, married, and God called to me when He send Ezra. I have not missed a moment of your lives, and I will not miss a moment of your lives. I am so excited to watch you discover your path. I am so excited to watch your friendships grow stronger. I am excited to see healing take place in your soul. Cupcake, I never left you; I have always been right here smiling into a cup of coffee as you live the life that God has planned for you."
Tears were streaming steadily down my face, and there was no stopping the torrent of emotions that had clouded my mind. But my heart was lighter that it had been in a long time. A peace filled my soul and as I gazed at my dad, the full wonder of the place that surrounded us became visible.
The table was sitting on a porch in front of a golden street that disappeared into the distance. Miles of wildland surrounded us, strikingly similar to the Fish land, only healthy, vibrant with life. A stream swept past the house; I instinctively knew that if I followed the path upstream there would be a waterfall the likes of which the world could never imagine. I knew where I was, and yet my mind could not quite process the information. My eyes once again met his comforting gaze.
"I'll be waiting right here Cupcake. I'll be watching, celebrating, and loving you from right here. When the day comes for you to join me, I'll be right here."
I woke up with a peace lingering in my heart and a slight grin on my lips. The calm that had followed our conversation remained and lulled me into the most peaceful sleep that I can ever remember.