K

K. It's a simple letter. Most of the time when I use it, it is just as ok or when I just really don't care. But tonight I started using it as a replacement. A replacement for your name. It has come to the point where apparently it pains me to type or even think your name, so now you are just K. You were someone I really loved, I really cared about for once. You were someone that for once in my life, made me feel loved back and like you truly meant it. Someone that made me feel like less of a waste of space and air. I spent 8 months, constantly worrying. Not about if you were going behind me back, or not meaning what you were saying. I was constantly worried about you, your health, heart, for some reason I even bothered myself with worrying about your sister, even though she hated me enough to try unrelentlessly to ruin the best thing to happen to me in as long as I could remember, even though she had never met me. Every time you apoligized, I said "it's alright". What a stupid thing for me to do. It was never alright. You broke me down, made me believe that you could help me build myself back up, and broke me even worse again. I thought for some reason, you actually cared, and you probably did for the first two weeks until you realized that I was not worth your time. But I always cared, I always hoped that everything was alright and you were okay when you would go weeks at a time without talking to me, and then came back with a stupid excuse and apolagy. I cared, when you didn't, I believed, while you lied over and over again. What a stupid, niave thing of me to do. Lesson learned, don't trust you ever again, but even though I've had to learn it twenty plus times, I'll still probably promise you another chance, and come back like nothing happend. So I guess the real lesson I need to learn is, stop giving so many chances, and toughen up, K.