My Most Needed Wish

My number one wish? That’s easy or at least I think it should be. So why is it not?

The obvious answer should be to give me more time with my dying mother, right? So, why was the first thing that came to my mind, to meet that one person, the one that I thought will change my life. Make me see my own self worth as more than lower than the gum on the botton of the desk in the back of the classroom.

My one wish that I would ask for and promise my soul, voice, anything for, would one hundred percent be that person. I always thought it was him, but now I realize that he made me feel even worse than the gum. But I still keep running back to him hoping this time will be different and he’ll actually love me this time.

The second thing that came in to my mind only appeared a millisecond after the first. I want, no, need more time. More time to find my people. More time with my dying mother. More time to right my wrongs. To not make those stupid decisions, or say that stupid shit that one day will get me killed. And lastly, if anything else to rewrite my past to work better into my future, the future I want. I can’t ask for those other things because as much as I want more time, or a different past, those things play into who I am today and who I will be. If I could just find that one person, I could better myself to acheive the things I want for my future, if I could see that I’m not worthless and someone would give me a chance.