Beginning of Insanity

I am pacing up and down all two-hundred glorious square feet of my apartment. Reaching one wall then turning and going to the other wall. I am swimming laps and the pacing matches the speed of my heartbeat – a fast clip.

Then there is a knock on my door and I freeze, mid-step. Holding my breath, I tiptoe to the peep-hole and peer out. Oh. It’s her. The lady that lives downstairs with the bird. She has one forgotten curler in her sprig of grey hair and her face is pinched like a prune. I hate seeing her up this close and am thankful that she cannot meet my bloodshot eyes.

I jump as she knocks on my door again, this time even harder. Heart is pounding in my ears now. The deadbolt is turned and the door-chain is up. Thank goodness. But that doesn’t slow my breathing. Nothing does.

Muffled mumbling sounds come from behind the door and I see her little lips moving. She’s muttering something. I’m no lip reader, but it looks like a swear word.

Then she quickly turns and scuttles away to the stairwell. Good riddance. I can’t deal with her antics. Not today. Not ever.

So I return to pacing. Glancing out the window once and a while at the brick wall that is my glorious view. Brick wall and part of a balcony that houses an always-filled line of drying garments. They are always dirty-looking. It is probably the polluted air that stains them as soon as they are hung to dry. If you open your window, the pollution will make you sick.

I jump mid step again as the fridge makes a growling noise. I know it is on its last days and soon that fridge will be broken again. That repair job my landlord arranged was useless. Everything my landlord does is useless. My eyes dart up to the crack in the ceiling that was ‘repaired’ last month. It is only a matter of time before it caves in. I am sure of it. I have to get out of here before the ceiling kills me.

Maybe it is because I have been unemployed for a month. Rent is due soon. I should just pack my bags and leave in the night before I get evicted. But I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I think I will just keep pacing.