Shouldn’t Have Swiped Right

Cringing does not do enough to express how poorly this went. I had just gotten an account on Zinder. It was going ok. I only posted three photos of myself, but didn't upload a genetic sample (what happened to romance, right?). I chatted with a couple humans and even one very extroverted fembot. And then I met her.

Our tastes fit together like puzzle pieces. 22nd Century literature and three-dimensional movies gave us endless discussion. I would hum through my shift at the zavod, counting the minutes until I could message her. Metro rides to and from work no longer punished me; it was merely more time to talk. This girl had seen all twenty four Pirates of the Caribbean movies. She owned her own paperback copy of The Old Moleman and the Cyber. I woke up one day, picked up the phone and sent her the message:

"Hey. Dinner tonight?" I waited, excited but confident. Surely, I wasn't the only feeling this. She had to sense this connection too. I sat up in bed, staring at the screen. Each moment stretched out into an empty abyss. My foot nervously wagged at the foot of my bed. But before pessimism could creep in, her reply popped up.

"Absolutely."

That night, I nervously fiddled with my tie. And then with my belt. And my shoes. But I was sure it wouldn't matter. She wouldn't care what I looked like. Despite my rationalizations, I still felt bad for not ironing my shirt. Part of me wished I still had that old road runner. I wanted to drive up, wind in my hair and sunglasses on. But all those were foolish thoughts.

I strolled into the lobby, confident. A waiter approached me; she was already here. I was led over to a small, decorated table. There sat the most gorgeous being ever. Her hair, her eyes, her smile, they all sparkled like stars over Olympus. I approached her, trying to contain my glee.

"Jeremy?" She asked.

"Yes," I replied. "Have you been--"

"-- Jeremy Wilder?"

"Yes, I am! Here to--"

And she disappeared. The hologram of my infatuation disappeared to reveal a smaller, humanoid android. On its chest plated read Tharsis Municipal Court

The droid slapped a manila folder on the table.

A mechanical voice scolded me. "You have been served. Please arrive at court on the scheduled date."