I’m the writer of my own life story -- unfortunately

Dear Author,

Your writing is as cliched as roses are red. As your main character, I feel compelled to tell you that you're sticking to old tropes and it's boring for everyone involved. Damaged girl from a rocky upbringing, marries young, lives in misery, has a kid, blah blah blah. It's been written before and with more artistic flair than your sardonic drivel.

Your readers are giving up early -- they know how books like this end. Even you are bored of making decisions, editing, starting again. Look, we're all exhausted. So either put up the pen and toss me into the fire or write something real. Have me live a life that means something.

Yours truly,

You