nail-polish.

I paint my nails the color that I am feeling. Royal purple for bold and sly, black for depressed, red for flirty, blue/green for- well- that's just my summer color. Right now my nails blend in with my skin, they're that same color. I don't feel anything.

I am numb from the sudden death of student in my school, I am a little upset with my best friend, I am a little excited for the little things in life- everything cancells out leaving me with the numbness my depression brings.

Let me stop there and let's back this up.

I know my writing is depressing. I know my writing isn't always good. But I try. And that's all that matters. This isn't a story about my old love or my mental illnesses. This isn't a story about anything. It's a letter to you. The reader.

Dear you,

I know you're there- I see you. I know that whatever you're going throug sucks. I know it hurts but it'll get better. I promise. You can't hurt yourself, I mean you can- but whenever you hurt yourself you're hurting me. Please don't... Life hurts. Love hurts. At time it seems like everything sucks and the world is completely against you. I know- I've been there. But not everything is against you. I'm still here for you. The sun still rises and sets and look beautiful, the birds still sing, nature is still beautiful. It's okay to hurt and mourn. But promise me that you'll eventually get back up. Promise me that you'll be okay?

It's okay to not be okay.

I could riddle this letter with depressing quotes. I could fill it with stories of my life and struggles. I'm only 15. I've gone through things that some adults ever will and I haven't gone through nearly as much as my friend Juneau. She's gone through hell and back and she's still smiling as if it were her last day on this earth. (I know you're reading this Juneau- stay strong.)

And that's my advice to you. Stay strong. Through the tears and the hurt and the pain. Stay strong.

If you ever need someone to talk to- I am here for you. I may not respond right away but I'll try to respond as soon as I can.

It's okay to hurt. Stay strong. It's okay to not be okay. Stay strong. It's okay to mourn. Stay strong.

Listen to me- hear me- don't just read these words. Know that what I'm saying is directed at you. I don't know what you're going through but stay strong. It'll end eventually. It'll be over soon. It may not seem like there's light at the end of the tunnel but there is. I promise. And I don't making promises I can't keep....

Stay strong. I support you.

-CJ (writergirl02)