When My Monsters Are Many.

Will you still love me

Even when I'm drowning

When I'm slipping and I can't catch hold of the raft?

When my body is sinking under farther and farther

And my head is consumed by the pain of the ghosts of my past?

Will you still love me

Even when I'm losing touch with the person that I once was

When everything around me has become bleary and dark?

When I see the world as a heartless place

And my inner demons seek to tear me apart?

Will you still love me

Even when I lash out at you

Because you're the only one I feel comfortable with

Enough to show you when I'm ugly?

Will you still love me

Even when I tell you

That I don't need anybody to love me?

Will you smile and shake your head

And look me in the eyes

And tell me that every negative thing my head has convinced me of

Are nothing more than lies?

Will you still love me even when I drive you batty

And you feel close to pulling out your hair

Will you laugh at me and tell me I'm being silly

While assuring me that no matter how frustrated I may make you

we both know that you'll always care

Will you watch me as I gaze in the mirror at my own reflection

And attempt to counteract my own disgust?

Will you still love me when I tell you that I am not worth your love?

Will you hold me when I'm crying in the middle of the night

Shaking from the violence of the emotion pouring out of me from within?

Will you promise me you'll always be there

Even when I refuse to let you in?

When the monsters in my head seek to destroy the last bit of my soul

Will you go to battle for me

And under my banner

fight for me while I fight my hardest to remake myself whole?

And when my heart is breaking into itty bitty peices

Because I feel the world is better off without me in it

Will you still love me even then?

When this uphill struggle I face feels like a lost cause

Will you take my hand and fight beside me

And assure me that I can win?

Because it's the times like now

When I'm falling apart

And when I'm being made to believe that I'm loved in some part of everyone's hearts

That I feel as though my soul is just a bag of reused garbage

Riddled by years of visible wear and tear

That I can't see the sunshine behind the shadows anymore

I can't find the light anywhere

I'm trapped in darkness and I can't see my way out

So tell me

Will you still love me when I'm not so pretty

When I'm too much for you

And during times like now

When my monsters are many

And I am alone

Scared

And broken down?

Tell me

When my monsters are many

How will you possibly find a way to love me

Where nobody else knew how?

-s.g.