waiting for nothing

I never did ask for it but she said I was her first so that made it special to me. She made me feel sad for her by telling me her sad stories. She texted me every day, called me every hour just asking what I did and where I was. She knew everything I liked so she made herself the perfect girl to love. She wasn't my first in sex but she was my first true love. We lived together for 10 years. I made one small mistake and she shed let a lot of tears. I moved out for a while. She kept the same that fake “in love with me” attitude and she went to clubs telling me she didn't, I told her my best friends saw you there she said no I never did it. Never showed her phone always in her pocket like her doors that always were locked. I never asked or realized it because I always trusted her words. A person can be bad but fuck she is the worst. I did once ask for her phone just because mine was still upstairs and wanted to look up something and she went out of her world. Now she kept me on a string, not even sex, but telling me she didn't have anyone else. I wasn't even asking around but Then I heard she went with some dude. She swore again it wasn't true. Like always swearing on her family and the holy bible but those lies make me feel suicidal. Then I heard she Facebooking her old friend and the worst of everything that i wasn't really her first one. Now I don't know who I was with for all this time. When I lost people she was there, all the birthdays holidays together and walks in the fresh air. We were supposed to trust and build with each other we had plans for you being our kid's mother. gave our lives to each other. And what she told she was like, it turns out to be the opposite. Still, she denies everything but she won't show me any proof and that makes me fucking positive. I blocked her off after all these years but she is will always be a part of me. still, she is trying to contact me. All she wants to do is call and keep lying. Tell me the fucking truth bitch I'm dying. She could never even see me I know it's because of her new guy so I told her bye. The hardest thing is the feeling of waiting. Its really something I'm hating, I know we will never get back together to much shit has happen. I changed my nr still I'm waiting for your calls, unfriended on FB but it feels so cold. The other hardest thing to accept is that a cheater will never confess. They lie and take it tot heir graves. I learned this hard way.I knew not to trust friends. Just see their envy when you drive a new Benz. I knew not to trust, but your own girl really hurts. She was supposed to have my back like I had hers. So now I wonder I'm not meant to live in this world, too old to depressed to weak and to broken damn bitch thought you were my pearle. Although we started this in our youth I'm guessing after all those years I didn't even mean enough to be told the truth.