How?

I did something really stupid. I gave someone a part of me that I never should have shared. I gave him access to my thoughts, my most private thoughts. He touched me, but reading my most intimate thoughts and giving you the option to do that... fucked me

And I let him. And now he probably still uses that to check up on me.

Well guess what mother fucker, you can't find me here and here is where I will write about you from now.

He broke me, broke every thing I hid for years and years because they were the ugly parts of me that I didn't want to look at, let alone let him see.

The first day, was tough. I knew I was going to cry. I could feel it all day and I just wanted to wait till I got home but I couldn't

The tears came and they wouldn't stop. I forgot how to breathe. I didn't think I would stop, but I did.

Day two, that's today. I got myself out of bed, put on real pants and managed to talk to people. I laughed today. I was still sad but I thought to myself, today you're not going to cry. You're going to remember how to breathe. And I did, for a while.

In comes my best friend who I haven't been on great terms with because she betrayed my trust. She ran to my... ex boyfriend asking what was wrong when she could have just listened to me. But this was the day we make ammends the only way we know how, go eat, go shop and ignore everything else.

She surprised me, let me talk about him and didn't make me feel stupid. I told her everything and even though I didn't get much back it still felt good because she's my friend after all.

"Maybe two people with severe anxiety shouldn't be together." she said

I said yeah but I'm working on getting better and so was he, that's why he wanted to break up, to work on himself...right?

She told me he felt like an asshole...good because he is and that was a fucked up thing to do.

My best friend listened to me talk about everything...

And then told she was moving in with him because she needs a roomate and he wants out of his house....

They talked about this a while ago when we were dating and when you said it would be a good thing because we could see each other more too.

So let me recap this...

My boyfriend dumps me OVER FACEBOOK MESSENGER on Sunday night...techinally Monday...Tuesday...not even a day after...today...My BEST FRIEND! tells me she's moving in with my ex in 4 to 5 months. Not even that but she tells me this by just blurting it out after we spent almost the entire day together...WHAT THE FUCK!

Then when I say you know I'm willing to wait for him till he's ready to be in relationship if that is even an option she says

"If I were you I wouldn't wait."

Alright bitch! Do you know something I don't!??!?

Then she mentions the "hot" neighbor and says

"Hey, there you go you have options."

Are you fucking kidding me?!?!

After I sat there today and told you everything about how I felt and how this break up wasn't my idea and you tell me I should go be with the hot neighbor??

She knows me. She knows how long it took for me to get comfortable with my ...ex boyfriend. I'm extrememly fucked up. I'm 26. This is my first real relationship because a "friend" decided to touch me without my consent and it really fucked me up.

I haven't been in a relationship for years and here my best friend is telling me to go bone the hot neighbor.

It gets better, my...ex boyfriend told me

"If something better comes along you should go for it."

So now my best friend and my *sigh* ex boyfriend are telling me I should pretty much move on...and they are going to be living together....and she was going to get a job at is his work...

Those are some pretty big indicators something fishy is going on

Or even if they aren't right now...she hasn't had sex in a while... I know for a fucking fact he's horny as hell...sooo you do the math!

I can't...

I'm sorry but I can't handle all of this at once...

I don't want to talk to her or be around her

I sure as fuck don't want to see him or talk to him

I unfriended him, blocked him because you know what...you want to know how I am? Then fucking ask me. Come down here and talk to me like a fucking adult!

I don't know how much more I can take.

I lost the one person I felt comfortable with in my own skin because he told me it was beautiful and he kissed all the places I hated about myself and god damn it...

Why did I do this to myself?

I should have never let someone get this close to me...trust me I won't ever do it again.

And hey...you were right all those times you said I deserved better and that you were going to ruin my life

Congrats!

#wtf #friends #exboyfriends #seriously #i'mgoingtobreak