Year one
We were
nine years old.
"Hi"
I said
to her.
She looked at me,
her eyes narrowed
and critical.
"What?"
She snapped.
"I just wanted-"
I started.
She turned away.
Five minutes later
she turned back.
"Hi"
She said.
"I'm sorry"
She said.
"It's okay"
I said.
And
it
was.
Year two
"I missed you"
I said.
"Same"
She said.
"New school year"
I said.
"Fourth grade"
She said.
"Big year"
I said.
She nodded.
"Maybe"
Year three
"Last year of
elementary school"
I said.
"I'll miss our school"
She said.
I smiled.
She smiled.
She grabbed
my hand.
"Oh"
I said.
She smiled
again.
Year four
"Middle school"
I said.
"I wonder if
it will be
as hard as
everyone says it
will be."
"Maybe"
She said.
"I hope not."
Year five
"You have a girlfriend"
They said.
I blushed.
"I don't"
I looked at
her
She was as red as
a tomato.
"Stop"
I said.
"Girlfriend, girlfriend"
They said.
She looked away.
Year six
"I love you"
She said.
"Oh"
I said.
"Me too."
She smiled.
"Let's go to
the movies"
I said.
She beamed.
"Okay"
she said.
"Girlfriend, girlfriend"
They said.
"Yeah"
I said.
"Girlfriend."
Year seven
"I wonder if
high school
will suck"
She said.
I smiled.
"I dunno"
She took in a
deep breath.
"We can do this"
She said.
"Maybe"
I said.
"I hope so."
Year eight
"How are you doing"
She asked.
"Okay"
I said.
"I need to tell you
something"
She said.
"Okay"
I said again.
Her eyes brimmed
with tears.
"My mom"
She said.
"She died"
She said.
"I'm sorry"
I said.
"I..."
She broke off.
"I... Need you."
"I'm here"
I said.
"I'm here."
Year nine
At lunch
she took a
bucket.
"Are you okay"
I asked.
She shrugged.
"I'm fat."
"No-"
I started.
"I am"
She said.
She ate her
pizza
and threw it up
into the bucket.
"You aren't fat"
I said.
"I am"
She said.
Year ten
"My dad died"
She said.
She looked down
at her shoes.
She sounded broken
she sounded hollow.
"Oh"
I said.
"Oh."
"I want to..."
She stopped.
"Yes"
I said
"I want to die"
She said.
"No"
I said.
"You have to
stay with me
please..."
"Maybe"
She said.
She looked away.
At lunch
she still threw up
into her
bucket.
Year eleven
"It's the last year
of high school"
I said.
"Oh"
She said.
"Aren't you excited"
I asked.
"No"
She said.
"I miss you"
I said.
She glanced at me.
"But-"
"The real you"
I said.
"Not the shell
of yourself."
She looked away.
"Oh"
"Give her back to me"
I said.
"Please."
Year twelve
"College"
I said.
"Yeah"
She said.
She wore a black hoodie
and black jeans
and sadness written
upon her face.
"Cheer up"
I said.
"I try"
She sighed.
"But it doesn't
work."
"Try harder"
I advised her.
"Please
for me."
"Maybe"
She said.
"Maybe."
Year thirteen
Before the next
school year
even started
she was gone.
"Car accident"
They said.
"I'm sorry"
They said.
"No"
I said.
"Nonononononono"
"I'm sorry"
They said again.
She was gone.
Childhood friend.
Love of my life.
I curled up into
a small ball
and sobbed.
"Nononononono"
I hugged her
black hoodie
"No
please
no"