Love Bug
Looking like a crazy person I smiled. Wide grinned and toothy. All day I smiled because I was going to be a big sister. I was seven years old at the time and had always wanted a sibling. Praying and singing to God for a little sister to play with. Growing up was a little bit lonely at times, having to move around constantly. But I knew - I knew having a sister to play pretend with would make everything better.
Inevitably, my silly smiling had creeped out a few children in my grade. Obliviously, I continued grinning, for my wish had finally come true. I spend the day dreaming of what sisterhood would be like; April Fools pranks, trick-or-treating at Halloween, driving our mom crazy. Heck, I even gave her a early nickname - Lovebug. After school, I ran to the car excited for the hospital. We drove for seemingly hours but when we got there -
it was all worth the wait. My little sister, wrapped in a pink blanket, and bald. Happiness and pride welled in my heart as I held her, determined to be the best big sister.
However, she would be living with my mom. While I live with my grandparents. Don't get me wrong at the time I was ecstatic. But I felt a my heart drop when I thought of how "sisterhood" wouldn't be. I was angry and heartbroken. I still am. The universes' cruel joke was to give me a sister whom I can't have. Carrying on bitterly I found myself unhappy, depressed even. Until I began accepting that I would miss growing up with her. I would miss growing up with my little brother. Although we visited occasionally, visits were tainted with anger and grief. Lovebug mourned the loss of an older sister while I grieved the loss of a little sister and brother. How could I not be melancholic when I barely know my sister whom I wanted all this time? Never truely connecting I distanced myself. My heart got lost in the sea of solitude. Paddling back to the shores deemed impossible with the ongoing family feud. Hope was still in the horizon.
I might miss a childhood but I will have my siblings in adulthood. Where we can share all of our silly stories and fun memories; and our sorrows and dreams. Waiting for the day is painful but worthwhile. When we three are independent we can rebuild the broken pieces of our familial and sibling bonds.