Author Quotes: Scripture for Writers

In Diary, Chuck Palahniuk writes, "We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace." I read the book after a two year stint trying to destroy myself. After all, "Self improvement is masturbation." (Some more Chuck there for you.) The quote first struck as a testament to the learn-everything-the-hard-way lifestyle I chose. It was a mantra that replaced the Fight Club rhetoric I had etched into my brain with ease and comfort. After all, self-sabotage had afforded me opportunities to create something out of ashes, and happiness was short-lived and plagued by the incessant need to be, do, have, et cetera.

Soon, before I could pin point the break in my heart that became soft and sugared, I began to use it as a reminder, a decision, to remember the good things. I began to use it to tell my head to slow down and be right here, right now. The mantra evolved with me. Instead of a reminder that pain is growth, it now reminds me that all experiences are lessons and all lessons are worth learning. It is a reminder to learn from peace as much as destruction.

I looked back at the quote some time ago and read the surrounding paragraphs. It was a tender moment I had with old Chuck as I read the sentence just before: "It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness." There it was and written with style. For a moment I could not help but think of whether or not I had poor retention skills and feel a bit silly for having felt so original in my take on the quote. I had been juvenile in my attempt at philosophy. I chastised myself for feeling guilty. Then, marveled at my own contradictions and, feeling overwhelmed by my own propensity to drive myself into a hole, exhaled with intent: release all thought and just be right there, right then, reveling in a revisited moment of crystal clarity.