I hate you all (But I want your attention)

I was so proud of my friend boys for not looking down at my stomach when I tied my shirt up- until they started making hoe jokes

I only did it for the basketball boys really, and their attention was all eyes on me and it was great

But deep down I wonder as I recall the gazes of the other girls with their ug I hate her she's too pretty she is dressing like a slut

Would they have helped me?

Why can't we raise each other up? Don't tear me down. I know you won't say anything, but I can see it in you're eyes

And so I fight a quiet battle, becuase if I was loud they would blame it all on my tied up shirt

It shows my waist sure, but that doesn't mean permission to grab it

And as I recall the bus years and years ago I understand why the boy who still haunts me now always sat with his binder on his lap as he stared at me-but i was only 12

And I can't say anyone would support me

Because I am torn between feeling on top of the world when the boys I have mild interest in stare everywhere and comment and feeling disgusted. I am not a victom, but could I be? I mean it was just yesterday wasn't it? All of this?

"Dude we all know you want to get physical with her"

"She's so hot"

"Damn"

"I'd hit that"

"Smash"

It all felt great until I was told by another that "I wasn't gonna get anywhere hoeing around like that"

Whatever thats supposed to mean

You know I'm not interested, we're friends, so don't you dare make any comments. I deserve respect more then you do. Especially when you demean us. You have no idea what it's like.

Why can't we raise each other up? I know I'm gorgeous, but don't leave me to fend for myself in the pit of hungry males when I need help. Because someday I'm going to drown in all this when someone can't resist themselves and you will all just blame it on a tied up shirt.

Just because it shows my waist doesn't give you permission to grab it.