Shades of Pale Blue

I so badly wanted to be big and strong.

Tall and brave.

My shoulders permanently pulled back as if all the whispers of your secrets balanced atop my skull.

I begged to be warm and kind. Soft and empathetic.

My pale skin just like the hospital walls that always had the pleasure of feeling your sickest parts.

So fixated on the thread of optimism that I mindlessly stitched all of your open wounds together with.

Tending to each ache of yours as if my numb fingers tips were your only saving grace.

I am not big nor strong.

I am only hardened and cold.

Empty and senseless.

Your thriving hands only getting stronger with each snap of my bones beneath them.

My body is only of one a mother could love.