First true love.

Today was just a normal day. I woke him up with a sweet soft kiss upon his forehead. I whisper in his ear, "it's time to get up baby." He looks over at me with a smile on his face. "I hate getting up, but I love waking up to your beautiful face everyday." I begin to feel my face getting red. He's always so good at making me blush. It makes me wonder if he says certain things just to make me blush.

He gets up and starts getting ready for work. I've already made his coffee and packed his lunch. He comes up behind me and kisses my neck. Turns me around and gives me a deep dark passionate kiss upon my lips. My knees begin to buckle and I quickly stop the kiss before it leads to anything else. I kiss him once more and tell him, "now get to work handsome." He moans,"Ohhh do I have to?!" Winks at me and whispers in my ear, "just wait until I get home." I giggle and he laughs too.

I stand at the front door and watch him get into his big old ford truck. I wave frantically at him and he waves back.

I close the door and am ready for the day to take me away until he comes back home. I begin doing laundry,dishes, and cleaning the kitchen. The house phone rings and I decide not to answer it, since I have cleaner all over my hands. The phone rings again. I thought, well this person is persistent. I wipe my hands off on a dish cloth and walk towards the phone.

I answer, "hello."

A woman's voice is on the other end. "Hello, may I please speak to Virginia Blooch."

"This is her speaking."

"Ma'am I have some bad news for you."

My heart instantly sinks.

I try to talk, but words aren't coming out. I finally mutter out,"yes?"

"Ma'am today your husband was working in the coal mines and there was a bad explosion and the mines caved in. All of the men working lost their lives. I am sorry."

My eyes are full of tears and I don't say anything to the lady, I just hang up the phone.

I instantly fall to the floor. I can't breath, I can't move. I am in denial. No, James will be walking in the door around 6 tonight. I sat by the door for hours waiting and waiting. He never came. I stopped waiting for him around 11pm. I made my way to bed. I couldn't sleep though. My pillow was soaked with tears. My thoughts were scattered throughout the night.

I rethink about the days before today. I just found out that I was pregnant. I was waiting until the weekend to tell him the good news. All of a sudden, thinking about this seems like such bad news. I can't raise a child without James. I can't go on without James. How will I survive without him? Financially,mentally,emotionally,physically. I begin crying again.

Around 4am I made my final decision. Which was to kill myself. I never thought about killing myself before. I grew up in a church and know that it is morally wrong to do so. That I'll spend eternity in hell, but this life now is pure hell.

I find a thick rope and a chair. My heart is pounding frantically because I know my mind is made up and I'm not turning back. What do I have to turn back to? I quickly tie the rope around the sturdy pipe running along the ceiling. I begin to wrap the rope around my neck. Without even thinking, I kick the chair out from underneath me.

Sharp pain around my neck.

Gasping for breath.

Moving my body around, but no relief.

Everything's turning black.

I'm gone,gone,gone.

I didn't get home until 7am. I was so thankful that I was late to work yesterday. When I arrived to work it was so much chaos. I dug through the ground trying to find bodies. Bodies of my family, my friends, my fellow workers. Their family deserved that. I know Virginia would want to have my body if anything bad ever happened to me. I keep thanking God that I'm alive and that I'll be able to go home to my amazing wife.

I dug and dug until I physically couldn't anymore. I decide to retire for the day and head back home. I need a hug from Virginia. I need her to tell me everything will be okay.

I drive up the driveway and feel a sigh of relief. I am finally home. I don't even grab my lunch box. I just run inside. "Virginia, where are you?" I walk into our bedroom to see her limp body hanging from the ceiling pipe. I am in disbelief. I let out a loud scream, "why???!!!" I pull her down and hold her cold lifeless body in my arms.